Translator’s Notes: So, my original source material didn’t include this part, but looking at the R19 version…The next few scenes are somewhat explicit in nature, reader’s discretion is advised. Enjoy!
(I’m gonna go back and see if there’s a more risque version of their first night together. But that’s after I translate everything. I don’t have the habit of looking back on what I already translated, only editing it once I know the whole story, so that might take a while.)
It was certainly not the first kiss.
On the way to the castle, they had kissed several times a day. There had been moments when their lips intensely overlapped.
Yet, it felt unfamiliar.
Was it because she had affirmed his feelings? This kiss was completely different from what she knew.
“Ah…!”
Such an intense sensation was new to her. She forgot where she was. Her body and soul were entirely absorbed by him.
“Hmm.”
As their lips touched, her body lifted. When there was nowhere to step, Leticia instinctively embraced his neck. A moan escaped from his throat.
A clutter of something poured out. Gently, her body was laid down. Leticia then realized that the sound she had just heard was of the items on the desk spilling.
“Ha, ha.”
Lying on the empty desk, Leticia gasped for breath. Her indented collarbone was partially exposed through the torn button.
He looked at her with flickering eyes and asked sharply,
“Are you in your right mind?”
“Ha, that, what.”
“What are you thinking, driving me to this extent? What intention do you have to drive me mad? Do you really want to see me go crazy like this?”
Dietrian growled.
“Are you serious? Are you seriously saying this to me? Do you really want to have a child? Have you thought about living together with me? Not a life where you handle everything alone, but sharing worries and relying on me when it’s tough? Is that really right?”
The moment she asked him to hold her, a flame of desire instantly consumed him.
For that moment, he could forget everything. He forgot what she had hidden from him, and thus what wounds he had suffered because of it. He was scared. Scared that her words might be a lie. He simply could not believe it.
“Are you planning to catch me off guard and run away? Like you hid the coughing of blood, are you planning to handle it all alone again? Is that why you’re seducing me?”
Such sweet and intense seduction. If this too was a lie, he could not endure it. His soul would be irreparably damaged.
“Are you using the fact that I am crazy about you? Because I’ve been out of my mind wanting to reach you. Are you planning to leave me the moment I let my guard down?”
“Seriously, it is.”
“Then show me proof!”
Dietrian demanded fiercely.
“Show me proof that you won’t leave me. Prove to me that you’re serious!”
He wrapped his arms around her as if he would never back down. Leticia gasped and said,
“I told you, my wish.”
“That’s not enough! You might have lied to reassure me!”
“Dietrian.”
“Because I love you, because I am weak for you! You’re planning to run away after reassuring me, to bear the curse alone, aren’t you?”
“That’s not it!”
“I can’t trust you anymore!”
Finally, Leticia burst into tears and rose up.
“Why can’t you trust me? After threatening me all this time. After making sure I couldn’t leave you! And now you say you can’t trust me! What is this!”
“I never threatened you!”
“You said you’d rather die than see me die! I said I love you! How is that not a threat!”
“It’s not a threat, it’s the truth…”
“It is a threat! To live alone in a world without you? How can you say such a dreadful thing? I’d rather die than live that life again!”
She knew it wasn’t his fault. Considering the wounds he had suffered, she knew the words she heard today were mere tantrums, yet Leticia couldn’t hide her resentment.
“One more thing! Why do you keep blaming me? This is a fault on both sides! You are not free from responsibility either!”
“A fault on both sides?”
“You promised never to love me! You even tempted me, telling me it was all an act and to touch you freely without worry! And now you say, choose either to live or die together!”
Dietrian flinched.
“Is that even a choice? Is that possible? This is too much!”
Resentfully staring at him, Leticia suddenly wrapped her slender arms around his neck.
“Choose one! Either believe what I say or take responsibility for deceiving me. Make a choice!”
“How am I supposed to take responsibility?”
“You said bad memories should be covered with good deeds, right? You said when a wife has a nightmare, it’s the husband’s duty to comfort her!”
Leticia pressed herself more forcefully into his embrace and said,
“I hate you because you deceived me, and it’s hard for me emotionally. So comfort me right now! Become a real husband and comfort me.”
Even as she expressed her anger, she held him tighter. Dietrian felt suffocated. He knew she was lovely, but he hadn’t realized she could be this deadly. Reason and instinct fought fiercely in his head. He thought he should stop now, that it was broad daylight, and that they should talk first. All those efforts were in vain as the outcome was decided in an instant. When she embraced him, his reason melted away like ice cream.
“Alright. Wait a moment. I will lock the door.”
Even then, he thought, This must have been how a king feels, ruining his nation for a woman. Now, I can never condemn those kings until the day I die. As he was about to detach her and stand up, she clung to him again.
“Don’t go, Your Highness.”
“Leticia. But.”
“Don’t worry, no one will come in. I locked the door when I entered…!”
Leticia couldn’t finish her sentence. Dietrian’s lips seized hers in a devouring kiss.
This time, it was as if he intended to bite everything away. Startled by the sudden intrusion, Leticia bit Dietrian’s tongue.
“Ah!”
It was Dietrian who was bitten, but Leticia was the one who moaned. Dietrian, undeterred by the sting, delved deeper. The faint taste of blood in his mouth stimulated all his senses. His grip around Leticia tightened.
Perhaps, occasionally, he imagined devouring her whole, from head to toe.
Crash!
Everything within reach was swept under the desk. Something broke, but he had no capacity to care.
Dietrian placed Leticia on the desk.
“!”
Shocked by his sudden change, Leticia’s eyes widened. But the surprise was fleeting, and her heart ached.
Thinking that his uncharacteristic behavior was because of her.
‘Because I confessed my sincerity.’
Finally, their hearts fully connected.
‘Why did I only now say I love you?’
Thinking of how much Dietrian must have suffered, tears welled up in her eyes. All the wasted time was now a promise. Leticia grew more impatient.
‘I don’t want to waste any more time. Not even a single second.’
Holding his neck tightly with one arm, Leticia began to unbutton his shirt with the other hand. Their lips still overlapped, causing her hands to fumble.
Dietrian momentarily pulled away from Leticia and spoke in a biting tone.
“Please, just stay still. I think I’m already going crazy.”
“Love, I love you.”
“…!”
“I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I truly love you.”
No matter how many times she said it, it seemed insufficient. She wanted to whisper her love to him all day long.
“So, hold me. Do whatever you want…!”
Gritting his teeth, Dietrian swiftly lifted Leticia in his arms. He was blind to everything else.
Leticia felt the same. She wrapped her legs around his waist and frantically kissed him. The two of them, nearly becoming one entity, moved toward the adjoining room next to the office.
Dietrian quickly laid Leticia down on the bed and climbed on top of her. In a moment of urgency, he hastily undid his shirt buttons.
Leticia reached out with trembling hands to touch his shirt. Just then, Dietrian, having shrugged off his shirt, grasped her hand. With rough movements, he tore her dress.
In an instant, Leticia was in her undergarments. Dietrian, clutching her finely textured hair, caressed the inside of her pale thigh. His warm hand moved directly to a familiar intimate place without hesitation.
“…Ah!”
Leticia felt the pressure increase as Dietrian’s touch became more intense and assertive. Her muffled moans escaped through pressed lips.
“Ah, mm…”
Unperturbed by her sounds, Dietrian continued his movements, growing more fervent.
Underneath the delicate fabric, the stimulation quickly intensified. Leticia clenched her eyes shut.
‘Too fast…!’
Today, the rush of pleasure was uncharacteristically rapid. Dietrian’s rougher approach certainly contributed, but Leticia herself was also more sensitive than usual after confessing her love.
Already, she felt overwhelmed, unable to even imagine what might come next.
“Haah!”
Sure enough, a sharp pleasure clawed through her. Despite recognizing that Leticia had reached her climax, Dietrian did not stop.
Overwhelmed by the continual stimulation, Leticia inadvertently arched her back, but Dietrian firmly held her in place. He then embraced her from behind, turning her head toward him to meet her lips in a kiss. The intensity of their connection deepened, each movement filled with a raw urgency that mirrored the emotional depth of their recent confessions.
Dietrian’s one hand firmly grasped Leticia’s pale breast while the other spread her thigh with strength, positioning himself as if he were binding her completely with his body. He delved deeper into her sensitized intimate area, heightened from her recent climax.
“Uhnnn…!”
The relentless stimulation overwhelmed Leticia as waves of heat erupted from every part of her body, forcing moans to slip from her lips.
‘Why, why is he so good at this!’
She had thought it before, but it was striking how well Dietrian knew exactly how to touch her, intensifying her sensations.
Her already sensitive body soaked up every caress, deeply responding to each contact.
‘I feel like I’m going mad…!’
Unable to withstand the intense pleasure, Leticia clenched Dietrian’s arm tightly, her grip so firm that it left pale imprints on his muscular forearm. The sensation of needing something to hold onto to prevent herself from falling overwhelmed her.
She didn’t know that her gripping his arm would excite Dietrian even more.
“Ah, Dietrian, please…!”
All she could do was plead. When their lips parted for a moment, she moaned his name as if in agony, not even sure what she was begging for.
She simply wanted this overwhelming stimulation to resolve somehow—to either vanish entirely or escalate to a climactic end.
She just hoped for a resolution.
“What do you want me to do? Tell me exactly,” Dietrian demanded.
“Ah, just…ahh!”
Perversely, each time Leticia begged, Dietrian intensified the stimulation. Overwhelmed by the sharp pleasure, Leticia shivered, and tears quickly moistened the corners of her eyes.
Dietrian, as if he had been waiting for this, tenderly licked the tears at the corner of Leticia’s eyes. The salty taste on his tongue was disturbingly satisfying.
‘I might have some questionable tendencies,’ he thought, acknowledging the darker edges of his desires while continuing to engage deeply with Leticia’s emotions and physical responses. This recognition stirred a complex mix of satisfaction and introspection within him.
Leticia’s tears strangely elated him. It was clear now; he harbored perverse tendencies that he had never fully acknowledged before.
Even if someone were to label him mad, it wouldn’t matter. This wasn’t a new development; he had always been like this since falling in love.
He was hopelessly deviant in his desires, specifically towards Leticia. In his mind, he had embraced her hundreds of times, indulging in all manner of lascivious fantasies that he could never dare to voice aloud. In these fantasies, Leticia wept and pleaded with him.
Just like now.
“Ha, ha.”
Leticia, finally catching her breath from the lingering intensity, thought she might have a moment of respite. But then, Dietrian positioned himself between her thighs again. She was startled to see him gripping the insides of her thighs and leaning in, causing her to sit up in alarm.
“Dietrian, what are you doing?”
“You know what I’m about to do. It’s not the first time,” he replied with a smile.
His lips curled up mischievously, his expression appearing dangerously playful.
“Just wait, that’s a bit too much.”
Leticia urgently stopped him.
“Why? Did you dislike it before?”
“No. That’s not it.”
Leticia, unsure what to do, said in a trembling voice,
“Can’t you just hug me right now?”
“……!”
“It’s so, so strange today. Just to the end right now……”
When his lips touched there, she vividly remembered how intense the pleasure was. Even now, just a touch seemed to crumble her. If he were to press his lips on top of that, she truly felt she couldn’t handle it.
She thought it might be better to just end it all now. Dietrian, who had been staring intently at her, snickered.
“That’s not possible. I don’t like it when you get hurt.”
“I’m fine……!
“Fine? It’s still so narrow.”
Having just pushed one more finger in than before, the stiffness made Leticia’s eyes widen. As he strongly stimulated the wet inner walls, Leticia covered her mouth with the back of her hand.
“Ah, please. Not that. Uh. Dietrian…!”
Leticia, unknowingly folding her knees from pleasure but trying to spread them again, looked dreadfully lovely.
He soon bent down and took her fully into his mouth.
Her insides, soft like pudding, soaked as they received him.
‘I’m going crazy.’
He had felt it before, but the fluid Leticia emitted was incredibly sweet, so much so that he wanted to throw away all decorum and lick it like an animal. He wanted to bury his nose in this place all day and drink her entirety like a madman.
“Haah!”
With the increasingly rough caresses, Leticia twisted her waist. Her tightly held lower body didn’t know what to do and shook violently.
“Please, please…!”
Begging without even knowing what for, at some point, she involuntarily cried out. Drowning in waves of pleasure, eventually, the empty vaginal walls clenched tightly.
“Ugh…!”
Tears rolled down from her swollen eyelids.
Leticia closed her eyes and exhaled a ragged breath.
“Hah.”
There was no rest. His hand pushed back into the narrow gap. With his fingers slightly bent, he stirred deep inside her, making Leticia moan in pain.
“Now really, stop it… I can’t take anymore, it’s too hard…”
“I was thinking the same. Your reactions are too cute, but I really can’t hold back anymore.”
With a soft chuckle, his hand swiftly withdrew. Her thighs were grasped, bringing an unfamiliar heaviness to the entrance.
“It seems it might be loosened enough now.”
Leticia slowly lifted her eyelids. Now, she realized what was cutting through her flesh and entering hotly.
“Ah, finally.”
Although she had begged him several times before, it was fear more than excitement that she felt.
With her face tensely strained, Leticia lifted her upper body and flinched at the sight of the object pushing into her. It looked much more overwhelming than she had anticipated.
Leticia was speechless, just gaping.
“Uh, ah. What?”
I even thought it was a foolish thing to say.
“What is that? Don’t tell me. What?”
Dietrian spoke nonchalantly.
“You’ve seen it before, why are you so surprised?”
“When did I see it?”
“You saw it in the desert. You even said you’d undo it yourself, that you’d do anything I wanted. Are you pretending not to know now?”
Ah, that was right. Right after accepting his touch in the tent, she had seen the changes in Dietrian’s body and had said that. She even put her hand on his thigh.
Dietrian smirked.
“Do you know how hard that made it for me? I couldn’t stop thinking about it, thought I was going mad. Do you know how many times I was affected by that after that day?”
Leticia, who had been momentarily speechless, protested.
“That, that was because I thought you didn’t love me! That’s what you told me! That even if you don’t love someone, your body can still react.”
“Whatever it is, it’s all in the past now.”
Dietrian brushed back his tousled black hair and asked,
“If it seems too difficult, I can make it easier for you.”
“What are you loosening? What are you trying to do?”
“I could do anything. For instance.”
A playful smile formed at the corners of his mouth. His calloused hand pressed firmly around her clitoris, twisting slightly.
“Like spending the whole day licking here like a dog.”
“Ah, what, what did you say?”
“Just tell me what you want. I can do it much better than you think. I’ve imagined far more than that countless times.”
Leticia’s face flushed deeply. She couldn’t believe Dietrian was speaking so lewdly. What was even more astonishing was that his mischievous smile felt as clear and innocent as a boy’s.
“Of course not!”
“Very well.”
Dietrian’s laughter deepened.
“If you don’t want me to become a dog, then we should start from the end, just as you pleaded with me earlier.”
With that velvety declaration, warmth invaded Leticia’s insides.
Leticia lay down on the bed, completely frozen. She wondered if not looking would make it less frightening, but it didn’t help at all. Instead, his presence felt even more pronounced.
‘What to do. It’s too much.’
It felt as if a huge fist was piercing through her below.
Only now did Leticia realize why Dietrian had been so attentive in his foreplay. Despite being thoroughly wet, the pain was intense.
‘It hurts.’
Not wanting to show her pain, she bit the inside of her lip instead. Tears quickly soaked the corners of her eyes.
Noticing Leticia’s condition, Dietrian bent down to embrace her shoulder. With one hand firmly interlocked, he pressed his cheek against her wet one.
“Shh. It’s okay. Don’t bite your lip. Relax. Can you do it?”
“Dietrian…”
“Does it hurt a lot?”
“No…”
Leticia shook her head, holding back tears.
Dietrian pressed his lips to her temple and pushed forward again. The heavy pain made Leticia burst into tears.
“It actually hurts…”
“Should we stop if it hurts too much?”
It was not an easy thing to say. It had been a limit for Dietrian all along, although he hadn’t shown it to Leticia. From the moment his part first enveloped by her pink flesh, he had been overwhelmed. The mere contact sent shivers through him, and he had wanted to thrust in fully, enough to crush the tender flesh inside her.
If Leticia hadn’t been crying in pain, he might have gone through with it.
“If it’s too hard, we can stop. I’d prefer that too.”
While Leticia’s tears inflamed him, the tears of pain were unwelcome. He enjoyed seeing her undone by overwhelming pleasure, but he disliked seeing her suffer from pain.
He wanted them both to be happy.
So, he could endure.
“I don’t like that kind of consideration.”
Leticia sobbed and shook her head again.
“Leticia.”
“Forget it. If you were going to do this, you shouldn’t have tormented me earlier.”
Leticia rolled her eyes as tears welled up. Dietrian awkwardly smiled.
“And now, what are you trying to endure? It’s not like it’s your first time holding back. How long will you keep it up?”
The two of them had already been on the verge of intercourse twice before. One of those times was what Dietrian had referred to in the desert.
Back when Dietrian’s feelings were unknown to her, she couldn’t even guess, but now she understood.
How agonizing and painful it must be to touch the woman he loves yet not be able to express his own heat.
Looking back, it was almost no different from torturing Dietrian.
“Even if I’m in pain, don’t you dare stop. I’ll really hate you if you stop now. I don’t need your consideration.”
Fearing that Dietrian might pull back out of concern for her, Leticia clung to his shoulders. Not satisfied, she wrapped her legs around his waist.
“Ugh.”
Immediately, she regretted her decision.
As their position shifted, he pushed deeply into her momentarily. Dietrian quickly braced himself against the bed, but it was already too late.
“Really. Ah, why is it so big…”
Leticia whimpered, and Dietrian burst into laughter.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“I really hate you. I hate all of this.”
Dietrian’s laughter deepened.
If he confessed how even her whining was stimulating, how would she react? Setting aside his mischievous confession for later, he hugged Leticia and soothed her.
“I’ll go slowly. Very slowly. Without hurting you. So relax, and don’t breathe too shallowly.”
Leticia relaxed her body as much as possible and took a deep breath. As her body loosened, the pain temporarily subsided. Just as she felt a wave of relief, the pain was replaced by a new sensation.
Pleasure.
‘What is this, now? Why is it like this?’
The uncomfortable fullness felt strangely erotic. Leticia was astonished. As it pressed and pushed at the entrance, it touched her most sensitive spot. The sensation was on a whole different level compared to when his fingers had touched her.
‘Ah.’
With just a small movement, Leticia felt as if she would quickly rise to something intense, so she dared not move. She was particularly fearful of Dietrian touching her legs.
“Just bear with it a little. Leticia.”
Dietrian thought Leticia’s renewed tension was solely due to pain, which made it doubly difficult for her. The sensation of him moving slowly, as if a turtle creeping inside her, was so vivid that she felt almost frantic.
Eventually, she experienced a brief climax.
“Ah…!”
Naturally, her reaction was clearly conveyed to Dietrian. As the walls spasmed as if wringing him, Dietrian looked at Leticia in disbelief.
“Leticia. Did you just feel that?”
“I did feel something, yes. But please, go slowly.”
Leticia quickly cradled Dietrian’s cheek. The look in his eyes as he gazed at her seemed dangerously eager, as if he wanted to thrust wildly into her at any moment.
She had to do anything to calm him.
“It still hurts, too. So, please, slowly.”
The mix of pain and pleasure felt as if it was tearing her apart. Leticia’s plea slightly twisted Dietrian’s expression.
Barely restraining his desire to thrust wildly, he finally pushed in completely. A subtle thrill passed through Dietrian, and he exhaled deeply.
“Phew.”
While Dietrian felt satisfied that they had finally begun, Leticia was completely drained. The arms that had been holding him fell limply onto the sheets. Dietrian pulled her white hand to his lips and said,
“Well done, Leticia.”
“Ah…”
She merely lay there, accepting him. She couldn’t understand why it was so exhausting. After all, the pain felt as if she was being split apart below.
‘My heart feels like it’s going to burst.’
Her heart raced madly from the tension of enduring the pain. At some point, she couldn’t tell if the throbbing was her own or if it was the heartbeat she felt from Dietrian.
After a moment of calm, Leticia finally whispered,
“Dietrian, you can move now. I think I’ve adjusted…”
“Leticia, it’s okay. You don’t have to push yourself.”
Gently overlapping his lips with hers, Dietrian traced a circle around her white breast, flicking her hardened nipple lightly before moving his hand down to caress the area around her clitoris a bit more firmly. He also stroked and enveloped the entwined area as a whole, aiming to stimulate Leticia and help her relax.
True to his intention, the pleasure that bloomed from his fingertips gradually loosened Leticia’s body. Heat started to gather in her breaths. Leticia looked up at him with heated breaths.
“Ha, ha.”
Thanks to Dietrian’s soothing, the pain was slowly diminishing, though it still hurt considerably.
Yet, her heart gradually swelled with emotion.
Now, finally, she truly felt they had become one.
The satisfaction of having him completely inside her outweighed the pain.
“Dietrian, honestly, it really hurt a lot…”
Leticia whispered, tracing his eyebrows. Dietrian pressed kisses along her wrist.
“You can stop now if it’s too much.”
“No, it’s true, it hurts,”
Leticia shook her head. Tears quickly welled up in the corners of her eyes.
“But, it feels so good…”
“!”
“It feels so good. Really. I wish we could stay connected like this forever…”
She wondered why she had complained earlier about the pain. Even the pain, because it was from him, felt sweet.
She felt she could happily accept even more than this.
“I love you. Thank you for allowing me to love you.”
Leticia embraced him with trembling arms.
“Thank you for caring for me, a mess, and for worrying about me to the end… Thank you for making me unable to forget you.”
These were words Leticia had spoken to Dietrian before her regression, words he could not remember.
Until the very last moment, his tender demeanor had shaped who she was now.
“Your kindness was the only warmth in my life.”
Why had Dietrian, before the regression, been so kind to the daughter of his enemy? How could he have been so devoted to Leticia, who had never responded to his kindness?
[What do you mean, you won’t make it past midnight? Are you saying… you’re going to die?]
Why did he look so devastated after learning about Leticia’s curse?
[Is it a curse? Did the saint do this to you? Do you know how to break the curse? What is it? Tell me now! Leticia!]
The reason for his tenderness and desperation.
Now, she would never know. Even now, being loved by Dietrian, it was the same.
“Because you loved me, I will never give up this time.”
If she could meet him from her past life again, she wanted to tell him what she now told this Dietrian.
“I’ll try, to live with you. I’ll try to overcome this curse. I won’t die. I’ll survive to the end with you. We’ll definitely be happy.”
“…Leticia.”
Her current confession was as moving as the moment he had fully entered her, if not more so.
“Thank you too. For loving me. For coming to me. For promising not to give up until the end.”
He swallowed her breath and kissed her lips very gently. As precious as his heart was full.
“Hmm…”
Leticia began to slowly move where they were connected. Dietrian responded by moving slowly as well.
As the sharp pain gradually turned into a soft pleasure, Leticia pulled him closer. The warmth that blossomed from their connection filled the room.
It was the true beginning of their first night together.
T/N: Yeah, see, it kept talking about how they already did some of these things before but I haven’t translated any of those parts. My source material isn’t in sync with the one in Kakao (I was always wondering why my source is one chapter off the official one, seems like I missed some chapters).
Like I said, I’ll go back and edit it after I’ve already translated the whole thing.
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