Sigmund looked down at his empty palm, his heart sinking heavily.
It had been quite some time since he let go of her hand, yet the warmth remained, like a brand.
‘Isn’t it more dangerous the more I get used to it?’
As if trying to erase Romiya’s trace from his mind, Sigmund clenched his fist tightly.
‘No. I can forget her. All I need is time.’
He repeated it to himself over and over again, as if to affirm his own resolve.
Once he got used to it, she would no longer feel special. She would be like any other human. Surely, that would happen. No, he would make it happen.
He decided firmly.
* * *
It didn’t take long for him to realize that his firm resolve was utterly useless.
After being acknowledged as Sigmund’s guide, Romiya changed as if she were a completely different person.
Once timid and intimidated from always trying to read his mood, she now bloomed like spring flowers bursting with vitality.
She even went so far as to decide on a new title for him, entirely on her own.
Just like now.
“Sig!”
Resting on the terrace, Sigmund stiffened at the sight of Romiya running toward him, arms full of paper bundles.
Under the bright sunlight, Romiya smiled radiantly, without a single blemish.
“I found a great map! It was used by high-ranking mercenaries, and it shows the locations of major temples!”
Her voice, full of excitement, was brimming with the joy of being helpful to Sigmund as his guide.
Sigmund, still stiff, barely managed to nod as if nothing was wrong.
“I see.”
“I’ll organize the symbols used by the mercenaries and write them down for you. It’ll help you understand the map!”
“Do that.”
With just a slight nod from him, Romiya’s smile blossomed even more. She looked as if she had received a birthday present, brimming with excitement as she disappeared into the building.
Only after she was out of sight did Sigmund finally relax his tense shoulders.
He placed a hand on his forehead, exhaling deeply.
His mind was filled with questions he could not understand.
‘Why does she become more endearing by the day?’
Carrying out her duties as a guide, Romiya had grown visibly more cheerful.
As a result, Sigmund’s internal turmoil deepened day by day.
‘Did I really make the right choice? Instead of breaking free after getting used to her, I find myself sinking deeper, unable to escape.’
The internal conflict he’d repeated hundreds of times began again. Perhaps he should put up walls like before and act coldly. All he needed to do was throw harsh words her way, ones that would wound her.
…No, he couldn’t do that.
It was impossible.
Maybe if he hadn’t known. But now, he knew the pure joy on her face. There was no way he could bring himself to break that smile.
And so, after all that, he was back where he started.
He would try to comfort himself by thinking time would solve everything, but whenever Romiya smiled, he would become dazed. Then, consumed with anxiety, he’d doubt his decision, only to realize once again there was no way out, sinking into despair.
It felt like he was a dog chasing its own tail in circles.
More accurately, it felt like he was digging a hole in the ground as he went around in circles.
Into a cozy cave filled entirely with Romiya’s presence.
* * *
“You’re saying she’s not your lover, but your guide?”
“That’s right.”
The High Priest looked baffled as he stared at Sigmund and Romiya standing beside him.
Romiya, ever since the High Priest had mistakenly assumed her to be Sigmund’s lover, couldn’t lift her head, her face flushed red. She clung to Sigmund as though he were a lifeline, gripping both of his hands tightly.
Because of this, Sigmund was on the verge of losing his mind. But fearful that showing any sign of being flustered might reveal his true feelings to Romiya, he instead raised his chin arrogantly.
“My guide is simply unfamiliar with the energy of transcendence, so I permitted her to hold my hand temporarily.”
“I see…”
The High Priest nodded, still dazed.
Sigmund glared at the High Priest, anger rising within him.
You’re not the only one who’s baffled. I can’t believe I decided, in some deranged state of mind, that frequent contact was necessary to get used to this energy.
The High Priest, unaware that Sigmund was venting his frustration on him, hurriedly apologized.
“I deeply apologize for disturbing you with my baseless assumptions, Lord Sigmund. I will lead you to the meeting room now and provide a concise explanation regarding the nearby evil god.”
“Lead the way.”
Meanwhile, Romiya, on the verge of tears from the stares of those around her, pressed herself even closer to Sigmund.
Sigmund gritted his teeth. The closeness was driving him mad. If she was going to cling like that, he wanted to shout, she might as well just embrace him!
Luckily, he kept that thought to himself.
Instead, he shot an even fiercer glare at the poor High Priest. The High Priest, feeling like a needle was piercing his throat, walked ahead, trembling with fear.
* * *
“You don’t have to hold my hand anymore.”
The High Priest’s misunderstanding had led to an unexpected outcome. Right after the explanation about the false evil god, Romiya finally spoke up with difficulty.
“I’m no longer afraid of you, Sir. So… I’m fine now. I should have been like this from the beginning, but I was too weak… I’m really sorry. You had to endure such a ridiculous misunderstanding because of me.”
It should have been a moment of relief.
He now had the chance to distance himself from her before his feelings for her deepened any further. If he could continue widening the gap, eventually, she would mean nothing to him.
…Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.
“I see.”
He barely managed to respond casually and turned away, but his mood sank immediately. It felt as if a part of his chest had suddenly gone hollow.
It was the feeling of loss.
Sigmund couldn’t help but curse.
At himself, for being such an idiot.
‘You act all high and mighty as a transcendent, but a single word from Romiya throws your emotions into chaos?! If this is how you’re going to behave, you might as well quit being a transcendent! You’re an embarrassment to the pride of a transcendent!’
And he thought further.
‘Is love really such a confusing and burdensome emotion?’
What kind of confidence do humans have to love so freely? Why on earth do they harbor such maddening emotions?
‘Is this why the mortal world is in chaos? Do they commit insane acts because they lose their sense of self under the weight of these intense feelings, emotions even a transcendent can hardly bear?’
His unanswered turmoil deepened by the moment. Tormented, Sigmund made another new resolution.
‘I should just keep my distance, like before.’
He felt pathetic, even pitiful, for constantly changing his resolve. But there was no other choice.
Having fallen in love first, he was destined to be the weaker one, right to the end.
* * *
Sigmund resolved to distance himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to be as harsh as he intended. So, he decided instead to imitate the stern demeanor of a transcendent.
He convinced himself, as a form of self-hypnosis, that he was a great Black Dragon like Kaiten, come to enlighten insignificant humans.
Of course, Romiya immediately noticed the change in his behavior. However, there was an unexpected twist—she no longer feared him.
Though she was puzzled by Sigmund’s sudden aloofness, she cautiously asked about it.
“Lord Sig, is something wrong? Are you worried about the followers of the evil god?”
“Something like that.”
He couldn’t reveal the truth, so he gave a vague answer. But in hindsight, it was the worst choice.
Romiya wholeheartedly believed his mood had soured because of the followers’ atrocities and tried hard to cheer him up.
She started chattering away, sharing amusing stories from the mortal world. Sigmund couldn’t bring himself to stop her, so he ended up listening to everything she had to say.
“Wow, there are so many stars!”
They were on their way through the desert to investigate another temple when Romiya looked up at the night sky and gasped in awe.
As she gazed at the multitude of stars, Romiya spoke in a soft, enchanted voice.
“Did you know, Lord Sig? People say that when we die, we become stars.”
She looked at Sigmund with a beaming smile.
“I really love that idea. It makes me feel less lonely, you know? It’s like my family is up there somewhere in the night sky.”
“…”
“What do you think, Lord Sig? Isn’t it a beautiful thought?”
Romiya’s smile as she spoke was so radiant that Sigmund had to summon all his willpower to stay focused.
I am Kaiten. I am the Black Dragon who looks down on humans.
Romiya is not the woman I love, just one of many humans I must enlighten.
Repeating this to himself, he thankfully managed to calm his heart somewhat.
“There are no members of your family up there.”
Romiya, caught off guard by his firm denial, looked at him in confusion.
“Pardon?”
“Stars are nothing more than distant rocks in the sky. If you want to see your family, you’d have to dig up their graves, not look at the stars.”
When humans die, they go to the realm of the dead.
Since the living cannot reach the realm of the dead, the only way to reunite with them is by digging up their graves.
‘It’s not that there’s no way to meet the dead again,’ he thought.
But resurrecting a soul from the realm of the dead is a task that comes with a heavy price, even for transcendent beings.
No mere human could ever achieve such a thing.
So, facing reality would be better for Romiya than chasing false hopes.
“Dig… up a grave?”
“I said, if you want to see your family, the fastest way is to dig up their graves. Staring at unrelated rocks in the sky won’t bring them back.”
Romiya was speechless, staring at him in disbelief. The wonder and awe she had felt moments before were completely shattered.
Sigmund saw his chance and deliberately hardened his expression further.
“I’m just telling you the truth. Why that look? Are humans always as foolish as you?”
“…”
“And besides, why even miss the dead? No amount of longing will bring them back to life.”
“…….”
“Why are you doing such pointless things? Humans like you always waste their energy on worthless things…”
“Can I just stop being a Guide?”
Sigmund flinched. Romiya glared at him resentfully.
“I was just missing my family, but why do you have to speak so harshly? Do you know how hard I’ve been trying lately…?”
Tears welled up in Romiya’s eyes.
It was an expression Sigmund had never seen before.
It was as if cold water had been poured over him, and he came to his senses.
The firm resolve he had to channel into Kaiten instantly crumbled into dust.
His mind went blank, and for a moment, he even thought he hadn’t meant to do it.
“You’re really too much.”
Romiya said that and turned on her heel, walking away. Sigmund, who had been standing there, took a deep breath. As the distance between them grew, it felt like the ground beneath his feet was collapsing.
Without thinking, he ran after her. Before he knew it, he had already turned her around.
“Romiya.”
Romiya bit her lower lip and glared at him. Sigmund became incredibly anxious. Even a lost child wouldn’t feel this uneasy.
In the end, he blurted it out before he could stop himself.
“I’m sorry.”
Romiya looked momentarily surprised by his apology, but then her expression hardened as she turned away from him again.
Sigmund hadn’t realized his words had crossed such a line.
He had no family.
He had never longed for a deceased family member.
“I’m really sorry. I overstepped because I’m ignorant of this world. I sincerely apologize.”
Romiya remained silent. Sigmund was desperate.
The feelings he hadn’t been able to express rose up to his throat.
He wanted to confess everything, to beg for her forgiveness.
The truth is, I’ve fallen for you. For the first time, I couldn’t handle the feelings I had.
That’s why I acted so immaturely.
But if I say that, there’s no turning back…
“The truth is, I’ve come to… care for you.”
…He said it, even though he knew he shouldn’t.
Sigmund closed his eyes tightly.
“I’ve come to care for you… and that’s why. I didn’t know how to treat you as someone above me, so I acted poorly. I’m really sorry.”
He may not know much about this world, but he knew one thing.
Confessing like this to the woman you love…
It was the worst.
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