The horseback riding lesson ended well.
She was more athletic than I had anticipated. The only thing that seemed to make her uncomfortable was being so close to me the entire time. Still, she picked up the lessons quickly.
“If I pull the reins like this, that’s correct, right?”
“Yes. Keep your back straight. Yes, good. Ah, but don’t tense your waist too much. If you do, the impact when the horse runs will be transmitted directly to you.”
I gently wrapped my arms around her waist, keeping my affection as hidden as possible.
But still, the desire stirred within me. It had been so long since I had been this close to her.
I wanted to hold her, press my lips to her neck, and kiss her. Sometimes, my longing for her startled even me with its intensity.
‘Someday.’
As always, I pushed those desires off to a future version of myself.
Listening to the sound of the horse’s hooves, I held her a bit tighter as she swayed.
I could feel her leaning into me more comfortably than she had at the beginning, and I looked up at the clear blue sky.
‘Someday, that day will come.’
No, it won’t.
The sky might be a clear, bright blue, but I knew storm clouds were gathering not far away.
I could sense the end approaching.
As I had suspected, the Holy Empire’s recent movements had been unusual.
Something significant had changed in Josephina’s plans.
Others were also sensing the ominous atmosphere.
Yesterday, during a council meeting, one radical noble had even said,
「We should secure Lady Leticia’s safety first. If something happens, she’ll be our most valuable bargaining chip.」
They were suggesting we take Leticia hostage.
Some of the other council members subtly agreed, though they didn’t openly say so, likely because they were watching my reaction.
I remained silent.
I would never use the woman I loved as a hostage. Even if I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t have agreed to that plan.
It would serve no purpose.
For Leticia to be a valuable hostage, Josephina would need to care about her.
But that was impossible.
Josephina wouldn’t bat an eye, no matter what suffering her daughter went through.
Clop, clop.
The horse’s pace quickened slightly. Perhaps it was because she had gotten used to riding. Her face was flushed, and she looked brighter than usual. Seeing her like that was both heartwarming and heartbreaking.
Until now, I had been too focused on my own urgency to consider her pain.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized her life had been far harsher than mine.
At least I had experienced my mother’s love.
‘No matter what happens, I will protect you.’
I silently made this vow as I pressed a light kiss to her hair.
A little while later, the riding lesson ended, and I dismounted first.
She looked awkwardly at my outstretched hand before turning away, but she still took my hand.
“Place your hand on my shoulder.”
She nodded slightly, allowing me to help her down from the horse.
As I loosened the arm I had wrapped around her waist, I spoke.
“You did very well. If I had known you would learn horseback riding this quickly, I would have arranged this sooner.”
“Even if there had been an opportunity… I wouldn’t have listened to you anyway.”
She murmured this while looking away from me, then lifted her head. For some reason, she was staring at me with a complicated expression.
“I have a favor to ask.”
“Whatever it is, feel free to say it.”
“Promise me that you’ll grant my request.”
“I promise.”
I nodded easily.
But it didn’t seem to ease her mind, so she asked for reassurance again.
“I didn’t learn to ride a horse because I wanted to. I only did it because you asked me to… that’s the only reason. Since I granted your request, you must grant mine. I’m serious.”
What could she possibly be asking for that would require this much hesitation?
I nodded silently.
She looked at me with weary eyes.
“Don’t come near me anymore.”
“What?”
“I’ve told you several times before. We aren’t in a position to play at being husband and wife.”
“… .”
“You are the brother of the deposed prince, and I’m the daughter of the woman who killed him. What kind of future could we possibly have? We could never be truly sincere with each other, even in death.”
“Leticia, I—”
“I understand. You’re not being fake, and you’re not lying. Fine, I’ll believe you. As hard as it is to believe, you do seem to be sincere.”
She smiled bitterly.
“Whether it’s because of your sincerity or for some other reason, you really need to stop. Honestly, I’m tired. I’m tired of being involved with you… and I’m tired of pushing you away. So let’s just live like strangers.”
I parted my lips to speak but ultimately said nothing.
This wasn’t the first time she had pushed me away.
She had thrown far harsher, colder words at me before.
Back then, I had been hurt, but I could endure it.
I thought there was some reason behind her coldness other than hatred for me.
Now, though, she was far gentler than she had ever been.
It wouldn’t be fair to call her kind, but I could tell she was being considerate.
That’s why it hurt so much more.
She wasn’t being deliberately cruel this time. She wasn’t putting up thorns on purpose.
She was showing me her true self.
Like a tree battered by harsh winds its entire life, her weary eyes drew a line between us, as if she was ready to let go of everything.
“I’m begging you. I can’t bear this anymore. So, stop. Stop worrying about someone like me, and live your life.”
With those words, she left. This time, I didn’t follow her.
And that night…
She coughed up blood.
* * *
The doctor who examined her spoke, his face pale with sweat.
“Your Majesty, I’m terribly sorry, but there is nothing wrong with Her Highness’s body.”
I wanted to grab the royal physician by the collar.
“She coughed up so much blood, and yet there’s nothing wrong with her body?”
“N-No, there is surely something wrong. But with my current abilities, I cannot determine what it is. I deeply apologize. Your Majesty, please punish me for my incompetence.”
The highest-ranking physician in the palace bowed his head, blaming his own lack of skill. The other doctors were no different. None of them could determine the cause of the blood she had coughed up.
“The most common cause of sudden hemoptysis is poisoning. However, there were no toxic substances in Her Highness’s blood. That leaves the possibility of a chronic illness, but if the illness were advanced enough to cause her to cough up blood, there would have been warning signs. And yet, there were none.”
I knew in my mind that the doctors had done their best.
But I couldn’t accept it.
The rage that boiled inside me at their incompetence felt like that of a tyrant on the verge of destroying everything around him.
“For now, we’ll need to wait for more symptoms to appear. Until then, the best course of action is to monitor her closely.”
“So, you’re telling me to sit idly by until she coughs up blood again.”
I couldn’t hold back my sarcasm. Sensing the tension in my expression, the doctors avoided meeting my gaze. Barely restraining the fury bubbling within me, I ordered them all to leave.
“Get out. All of you.”
Despite the commotion, Leticia remained still. She was still unconscious.
She had collapsed in front of me a few times before, but never as terrifyingly as this. I clenched my teeth as I looked at her sleeping form.
She would never be able to imagine the state I was in.
The shock I had felt when I saw her collapsed on the floor of the room.
At first, I thought she was dead. Holding her limp body, checking her pulse, calling for the doctors… I’d rather die than go through that again.
“And now they want me to wait for the next symptom to appear?”
The only bit of hope I had was that the doctor’s treatment seemed to be working. Her face was regaining some color.
That was all I could cling to, so I kept my eyes fixed on her face.
After what felt like an eternity, she finally opened her eyes.
“Leticia, are you conscious?”
“… .”
“Leticia, it’s me. Do you recognize me?”
Her green eyes gradually regained focus, and she weakly parted her lips.
“…Why?”
“Go ahead. I’m listening.”
“Why are you… by my side?”
Her voice was so faint it was barely audible, but I managed to understand her words.
“Are you asking why I’m staying by your side?”
For a moment, I was surprised that this was the first thing she asked upon waking, but I quickly brushed it off and began to explain the situation.
“I found you collapsed, coughing up blood. The doctors have already come and gone. While they haven’t yet determined the cause of the hemoptysis, they believe it will be discovered soon—”
“There’s no need to find out.”
“What?”
“Haah.”
She sighed deeply and lay back down. Her green eyes were clouded with exhaustion.
“There’s no need to figure out the cause.”
“What are you saying…?”
“Just don’t worry about it. Whether I cough up blood or not, it doesn’t matter.”
“What?”
“I already asked you before. Let’s just live separately, not caring about each other. If something like this happens again, just leave it. Even if I show other symptoms, leave it alone. There’s no need to call the doctors.”
As she spoke, she turned her back to me completely.
At first, I couldn’t understand what she was saying. No, I understood, but I refused to accept it. Yet understanding it or not didn’t change the reality.
“What did you just say?”
Something hot was rising inside me.
“You’re telling me not to care what happens to you? Not to even call the doctors? To just leave you to die if it comes to that?”
“We already discussed this earlier.”
“You coughed up blood earlier! And we still don’t know the cause! And you’re telling me to just ignore it?”
“I know I coughed up blood. It’s nothing serious. So just go do what you need to do.”
“Leticia!”
I couldn’t hold it in any longer and raised my voice. It was a relief that she had turned her back on me; I didn’t want her to see the distorted expression on my face.
She didn’t respond. Frustrated, I shot up from my seat.
The wall she had built between us felt so insurmountable, it made me want to die from despair.
In an attempt to calm my anger, I threw open the window. The cold wind blew in, cooling my fury for just a moment before it all came rushing back. I quickly closed the window again.
I couldn’t keep letting cold air in with a patient in the room.
“Hoo.”
I stood there, breathing heavily, staring out the window when I heard her move behind me. She was sitting up. I closed my eyes for a moment, gathering myself before I turned back to her.
“You tell me to stop caring about you, but I can’t do that. You may not care whether I live or die in front of you, but I do. I have no intention of becoming the kind of bastard who stands by while his wife dies before his eyes. I won’t back down from this, even if it kills me.”
“… .”
“I’m sorry I can’t grant your request, but as you’ve said, I’m a stubborn man who doesn’t know any other way. As long as you’re my wife, I will fulfill my duty as your husband.”
I didn’t give her a chance to respond, pouring out my words relentlessly. A heavy silence settled over the room.
I took a deep breath, swallowing down the surge of emotions rising within me.
I resented her.
I never asked for much. Even when my feelings for her had been trampled on again and again, I never once exposed my heart. I never expected anything in return.
I just wanted her to be there.
No, I just wanted her to be healthy.
But now, even that was too much to ask. She wanted me to stand by and watch her die.
No one knew how much time was left.
My eyes stung with unshed tears.
The thought of crying in front of the woman I loved was unbearable. Even imagining it was horrible.
I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, forcing the tears back.
Even in this moment, I wanted to beg her. I wanted to kneel at her feet and plead. Just look at me, even if it’s only for a moment.
Before the end comes for Genos, just love me, even if it’s only pretend.
“Hah… .”
She let out a short laugh. Then, brushing her long hair aside, she muttered with a sigh.
“You’re really such a fool. I’ve always known you were rigid… but still.”
She let out a small, bitter chuckle.
“Well, I suppose I’m the bigger fool for putting up with someone as foolish as you… even though I know there’s a way to escape.”
With that, she turned her back on me again.
I stared at her back, my mind filled with the words she had just spoken.
A way to escape.
My face twisted.
‘She’s talking about escaping from me.’
Hearing her say it outright was more painful than anything before.
‘If you want to escape so badly, just ask for it. You could have just asked for a divorce!’
I hated her for dragging out this false hope instead of ending it.
Fearing I would end up yelling at her if I stayed any longer, I left the bedroom.
I left of my own accord, but I couldn’t go far. I couldn’t stop worrying about her.
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