Kailas had been special to Julios from the very beginning.
It was because she helped his mother, who was as precious to him as his own life.
After he miraculously returned from the brink of death, he was incredibly happy. Of course, that joy wouldn’t have lasted if Mano had remained unwell. In a way, Kailas had saved not only Mano but also Julios himself.
Because Kailas was precious to him, he truly wanted to treat her well. Perhaps he was too eager. The more warmly he treated her, the more uncomfortable she seemed around him.
When he realized this, he felt a pang of regret. Kindness is meaningless if the other person doesn’t want it. For someone like Kailas, who kept her distance from others, that would be even more true. From then on, he approached Kailas with much more caution.
It was around that time that he had his first dream about her.
“Hello, good morning.”
In a dimly lit room, he heard an awkward greeting, as if she were rehearsing for a play. Soon after, he saw Kailas repeatedly smiling into a mirror.
Amazingly, she was practicing how to smile.
After repeating this for a long while, she grabbed her head as if dissatisfied. She sighed continuously, paced around the room, then sat back in front of the mirror and smiled again.
“Ha. Ha. Ha.”
A cracking sound was heard, as if something was splitting. It was the sound of cracks forming in Kailas’s laughter. Eventually, she sighed deeply and overturned the mirror.
“Forget it. People should live as they were born to.”
The scene changed.
In her clinic, after a patient had left, she stared silently at the mirror on her desk. She gently lifted the corners of her lips. Perhaps thanks to her practice, her smile looked more natural than before. However, the faint trembling of her lips still betrayed a hint of awkwardness.
That’s when it happened.
*Knock, knock.*
“Kailas.”
She flinched as if doused with cold water. Even though the door was closed, she looked utterly flustered, as though a secret had been exposed. Slapping her cheeks with a loud smack, she said, “Yes, I’ll be right there.”
A moment later, she rose from her seat, her smile completely gone. Her face, now donned with the stoic expression Julios was familiar with, turned the doorknob—her final action before the dream ended.
‘…What kind of dream was that?’
Awake, Julios was dumbfounded. He had never expected to see her in his dreams, let alone under such circumstances. At first, he thought it was just a meaningless dream, but it wasn’t. The dreams from Gilead carried a distinct feeling, unlike ordinary ones. This peculiar sense was unmistakably a glimpse of the truth.
‘Why such a scene…’
Sitting up, Julios covered his burning face. He had occasionally dreamt about people around him, but never had he peeked into someone’s private life this intimately. He tried hard to erase what he had seen from his mind.
‘Let’s forget it. That would be the polite thing to do.’
What he saw today must have been Kailas’s most closely guarded secret. If she realized Julios had uncovered it through his precognitive powers, her shock would be immense.
So he had to pretend not to know.
…But it wasn’t easy.
At the time, Kailas was in the middle of treating Mano. As Mano’s guardian, Julios met Kailas once every few days. Sometimes, he even saw her daily.
Even when he tried not to show it, the image of her tugging at her hair in frustration would overlap with her usual stern face. If he awkwardly turned his gaze away with a sheepish smile, Mano would jab him in the arm like a ghost.
“Hey, kiddo, what’s wrong? Why are you looking somewhere else?”
When she asked so innocently, cold sweat would trickle down his back, fearful Kailas might notice.
Fortunately, after several meetings, he adjusted. And at some point, he began to notice the real expressions she tried to hide in her daily life.
Like her habit of lightly biting the inside of her lip or gripping her pen tightly when anxious, and the restless flicker of her lowered gaze.
Watching her like this made her seem like a seed. Like a seed with a hard shell and tender flesh inside, behind her cold expression was simply someone who found it difficult to deal with others.
And Julios was the only one in the world who knew this.
Such a special secret naturally became precious to him. Before he realized it, his eyes would often follow Kailas. Whenever he glimpsed her true self, it made him smile. Her flustered attempts to pull herself together and harden her expression again even seemed endearing.
They say there’s no cure for finding someone cute.
Back then, he didn’t understand that.
Then, one day.
He had a second dream.
In the dream, Kailas was much younger than she was now. She had just grown out of her girlishness and sat at a desk, staring down at a piece of paper.
She whispered softly.
“Dad, why did you do that? If you were going to die anyway, why didn’t you just stay with me? Why did you leave alone?”
Then she slumped over the desk, breathing heavily. Her labored breaths sounded like the saddest sobs in the world. After staying like that for a long time, Kailas stood up. Her pale face, ghostly white, showed no trace of tears. She draped a cleric’s robe hanging on the wall over her shoulders, glanced at the mirror, and slightly lifted the corners of her mouth before lowering her head as if she couldn’t bear it. Then she left the room.
Under the faint glow of the lanterns, she walked slowly down a dim hallway.
“I heard Kailas’ father passed away.”
“He didn’t ‘pass away’; he died. No, even saying he died is too kind. I heard he blasphemed against Lady Josephina before it happened.”
From around the corner, murmured voices could be heard. Kailas came to a halt.
“Shh. Lower your voice. What if someone hears?”
“What does it matter? Everyone’s gossiping about it anyway. Kailas doesn’t seem to care either. She acts like she doesn’t hear even when people insult her to her face.”
“Well, that’s true.”
Their laughter echoed softly.
“I just don’t get it, no matter how much I think about it. Why would the goddess choose someone like that as a wing? She always looks so gloomy, like someone forced her into the role. I really can’t stand her.”
“Well, she’ll be cast aside eventually. Lady Josephina might tolerate her now because she doesn’t care much about the healing wing, but when the time comes, someone that incompetent won’t last.”
“She might even end it herself. If she’s going to walk around with a face like a corpse, she might as well just die.”
“If she had that kind of courage, would her father have died on the streets like that?”
For some reason, Kailas absorbed all their venomous words. She stood there with no expression, pale and silent. To Julios, her blank, emotionless face seemed like she was dying a little with every word. The dream ended as the girl lowered her empty gaze.
—
The power of Gilead was both extraordinary and convenient. Just as Julios had altered the future before, that power could be used to create better outcomes. Although there were times when Gilead’s power felt burdensome, Julios still cherished it.
But this time, he couldn’t understand what the dream was trying to show him. Despite having two dreams about Kailas, there was nothing he could do.
Perhaps in the first dream, he might have helped someone else. He could’ve practiced greetings with her, for instance. But he couldn’t even hint to Kailas that he had such a dream.
The second dream? That went without saying. It was a past event, unchangeable and beyond his reach. There was nothing Julios could do about it.
And so, the dream left a heavy weight in his chest.
The pale face of the young girl refused to fade from his mind.
Everyone has a past. Leticia, Dietrian, Mano, and the other wings too.
Even Julios.
Each carried their own painful scars.
The reason they could smile now was because they had someone to share their pain with.
But Kailas?
Who could possibly comfort her?
No, had she ever even shared her past with anyone?
No matter how much he thought about it, Julios couldn’t imagine Kailas confiding in anyone. She likely had never received comfort either. This thought pained him. He began to desperately hope for a third dream. If he could just see Kailas being comforted by someone, he wouldn’t ask for anything more.
But as a result, he found himself thinking about her almost daily. When would the foresight about her come again? Ironically, the more he waited, the less the dreams came. He grew increasingly anxious.
And at some point, he realized.
She had become special to him.
Not just because she was the one who had saved his mother, but because she, herself, had become a special person to him.
If there had been even one person he could talk to about everything he had experienced—if he could have been honest with Kailas herself—perhaps his feelings wouldn’t have deepened so quickly.
But that wasn’t the case, and all his thoughts about her were his alone. The more he agonized over this unanswerable problem, the more his feelings grew.
It was the beginning of a desperate, one-sided love.
* * *
*Thud, thud.*
*Crash.*
Even in the middle of the night, the hospital lounge was as bright as midday. It was crowded with people—workers Julios had called in to repair the shattered lounge.
“We should be able to finish cleaning up within a few hours. However, the chairs are more of an issue; replacing them will take more time. That said, we can have them all replaced within the week.”
“You’re doing a fine job. But could you possibly expedite the work? This is a place patients frequent, after all. I’ll cover any additional costs, no matter the amount.”
Julios was speaking with the worker overseeing the repairs. Kailas sat quietly in a chair at the corner of the room, gazing at his back. Every now and then, when she caught a glimpse of his profile, she felt her heart leap.
‘Don’t faint just because you’re happy. Breathe slowly. Watch out for hyperventilation.’
She’d thought she wouldn’t get to see Julios at all tonight. Not only had he sought her out, but he was also spending hours with her. She was so happy she could cry. After taking a moment to steady her breathing, Kailas looked down at her hands.
‘It’s a shame I had to wash them so soon, but I’m still happy.’
Earlier, Julios had briefly held her hand. She’d resolved not to wash it for a week, but in the end, she had to. Julios had kept worrying every time he noticed the bloodstains.
Kailas sighed softly.
‘Why is His Highness so kind?’
Compared to her rough and unrefined self, he was warm, like a spring breeze. Once again, Kailas found herself falling for Julios. True to someone harboring a one-sided love, she began to indulge in her nightly fantasies.
‘What if I collapsed in front of His Highness… What would happen?’
If he was so concerned about mere bloodstains, how would he react if she actually fainted?
‘For example, what if I fainted because I was overwhelmed by a jewel?’
What would happen in such a situation?
‘Would His Highness… support me?’
Of course, he would. Julios was the kind of person who would help anyone, not just her. Kailas closed her eyes and took a calm breath.
‘Today’s fantasy was delightful.’
It would only remain a dream, like the thousands of other scenarios she’d imagined, but that was fine.
‘Sir Heinz, thank you. I won’t call you useless trash anymore.’
When she had dragged him into the consultation room earlier, she’d wondered why a former tower master was so incompetent. But now, she thought differently.
‘I’ll name you benefactor of the year. Though you’re not allowed to visit again. Never come back.’
She mused to herself.
‘Now that I think of it, Sir Sigmund and Lady Romiya were helpful too.’
Thinking of the two naturally led to another fantasy. What if Julios became a cat beastman? If he had silver furred ears and a tail that matched the color of his hair? If his hands turned into fluffy cat paws? If she could touch those pink jelly pads…
‘Stop. This is dangerous.’
Kailas frowned. Tonight’s imaginings were more hazardous than usual. It would be a disaster if she actually fainted.
‘I can’t embarrass myself in front of His Highness.’
Straightening her back, Kailas composed herself.
“Kailas. Could you take a look at something for me? Are you free right now?”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
Thankfully, Julios only called her over after she had sufficiently gathered herself. Maintaining a composed expression, as if nothing had happened, Kailas rose from her seat. She brushed her fingers briefly against her lips.
Good. A perfectly natural, expressionless face.
His Highness won’t notice a thing.
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