Leticia couldn’t speak for a while. She just continued to shed silent tears. I quietly kissed her tear-streaked cheek, wishing for all her sorrowful tears to come to me.
Still, it wasn’t entirely sad. These weren’t tears of pure sorrow. Once the sadness faded, a new happiness would take its place.
“Then, the day you were injured in the desert… you were worried because…”
“Because I loved you. Of course, it would be a lie to say I wasn’t concerned for the Saint’s daughter as a king. But if it hadn’t been you, I wouldn’t have gone to such lengths.”
After that, we continued sharing our memories of the past.
It was strange, how we remembered the same events but with slightly different details.
In the process, we cried and laughed together. We wiped away each other’s tears.
Leticia cried much more than I did. After finally managing to stop her tears, she spoke with her eyes still glistening.
“I have something I haven’t told you either. A few months ago, while you were carrying me across the desert, I had a very long dream. I couldn’t tell if it was reality or the past. At the time, I thought it was all just an illusion. I thought I was seeing things because of my love for you. It was too sweet to be real.”
“What kind of dream was it?”
“It was a scene from the past—when we were crossing the desert in a carriage together. You looked at me, sick as I was, with such warmth in your eyes. You even mentioned Lord Julios. And you kissed my forehead.”
“Oh, my.”
I let out a soft laugh.
“I didn’t expect the goddess to reveal even that. Caught stealing a kiss without permission—how embarrassing. I had intended to keep that as my lifelong secret… The goddess can be rather harsh, can’t she?”
“Then that dream was…”
“Yes. It wasn’t a dream. It was real. You were so lovely that I had to express my feelings somehow. You were the only one who made me feel like a human and not just a king.”
“I didn’t know. I really didn’t know…”
Leticia burst into tears again at my whispered confession. I held her tightly as she cried.
“Just so you know, you don’t have to apologize. I won’t feel sorry for you anymore either. If I said every moment with you was sweet, that would be a lie. There were times when loving you hurt.”
But compared to the three years you spent alone after I died, that was nothing.
I wanted to say those words, but I held back.
Leticia still had a tendency to downplay her own pain, so my words wouldn’t comfort her at all.
Instead, I said something else.
“But now, even those painful times feel precious. It was because of those struggles that you chose me. The past doesn’t hurt anymore. The more I think about it, the more it shines. Because all of that time was leading me to you.”
“But…”
“Believe me, Leticia. You have to believe me. If you trust my words, my past will shine even brighter.”
I held her hand tightly, looking into her eyes. Slowly, as if to carve my heart into hers, I whispered.
“I love even your tears, but I’d prefer to see you smile. I don’t want our past to remain a wound for you forever. I hope we can turn even the painful times into fond memories together.”
“Dietrian…”
Leticia’s eyes filled with tears again. She tried to hold them back, but it was difficult. I worried that she might exhaust herself, but then I let go of that worry. There was life force within her, given by Kailas just yesterday. And the children inside her would also be helping their mother.
Even without all that, I felt certain she would be fine. A sudden sense of foresight. I realized it was Gilead’s power at work.
Feeling more at ease, I comforted Leticia. As time passed, the wind grew a little colder. I slipped my hand under her coat and pulled her closer to me.
Through the thin fabric, I could feel her warmth entirely. The sky had turned a deep shade of crimson. I thought of the sunset I had watched while holding her sick form in my arms in the past life.
Back then, as everyone cursed her, night would fall before we knew it. The desert sky was pitch black, with stars so numerous it seemed as though they would spill over. Looking at those stars, our harsh reality felt like a lie. They were so beautiful that for a moment, it felt like we were on a journey together, just the two of us.
At the time, I found it both foolish and bittersweet to have such thoughts, but now, I no longer did. Instead, my heart swelled with emotion.
Life is indeed a journey.
The two of us had been on this journey together all along.
I don’t know how this journey will unfold in the future, but it doesn’t matter.
Whatever happens, we will be together forever, and our journey will be perfect until the very last moment.
Finally, Leticia’s sobbing subsided.
I wanted to share the emotions I had just felt with her, but I held back.
Though Leticia had barely stopped crying, it felt like one small nudge could make her tears flow again, like a faucet.
‘We have plenty of time.’
Now that the dam had been broken, there would be many more opportunities for us to talk about our past.
In our conversations, the past would shine once more. I was already looking forward to those moments.
Someday, I hoped Leticia would remember those times with a smile. No, I was sure she would.
“Leticia, have you finished crying?”
Leticia nodded with her lips tightly pressed together. To comfort her, I spoke playfully.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“I’ve been wanting to ask this for a while, but how was the meal I prepared for you? Was it alright?”
“The meal?”
“You kept skipping meals, so I personally made breakfast for you, remember?”
“That was… your cooking?”
“Well, not exactly. But I paid attention to what you liked and told the chef. I specifically had them prepare a stew that would help with your strength. How was it? If you liked it, I can make it again sometime. Or I can even learn to cook it myself.”
“It was… good.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t just say that for my sake. Was it really good? You genuinely liked it, right?”
“I did, but… to be honest.”
Leticia sniffled as she spoke.
“The carrots… were too big.”
I was so surprised by her unexpected response that I asked,
“You don’t like carrots?”
Leticia pressed her lips together and nodded. Her expression made it seem as though she was crying over the carrots, and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. How could my wife be so adorable? Teasing her, I said,
“Why didn’t you tell me to cut them smaller? Next time, I’ll chop them up for you.”
Leticia, holding back her tears, burrowed into my arms.
“Just… leave them out.”
“Huh?”
“Even if they’re smaller… I don’t like them.”
I ended up laughing all over again.
* * *
Even after we returned to the main palace, our conversation continued. Everyone was shocked to see the queen’s teary, rabbit-like eyes and looked at me for an explanation. I could only offer an awkward smile. I couldn’t exactly say that we’d been sharing memories of the past.
No, even if I could have explained, I wouldn’t have. To me, our past was our treasure, something only the two of us shared. I was immensely pleased that Leticia and I now had something precious that belonged to us alone.
“Dietrian, I have a confession to make as well.”
“A confession?”
“Actually, I’ve kissed you without you knowing.”
“Hm.”
I silently rolled my eyes.
That much, I was well aware of, because it happened quite often.
Before we confirmed each other’s feelings, on the way to Heden. Those blissful, sleepless nights I spent thanks to Leticia, who would embrace me and snuggle into my arms every night.
“In our past life, I kissed you. You don’t seem to remember, though…”
“What? What did you just say?”
I almost jumped out of my seat. Leticia kissed me? And I didn’t even know about it? How could something so unjust happen!
‘So that’s what my brother saw!’
I focused all my attention on her next words. I must have been too intense, because she blushed slightly, embarrassed. Still, she quietly recounted what had happened.
“The day we received the letter saying Lord Julios’s remains had been discarded by the Holy Empire… I was so worried about you that I went to find you. I saw you in the garden, deeply distressed.”
At the time, I was apparently in so much pain that I couldn’t even recognize her standing right in front of me. Leticia couldn’t bear to leave me like that. She wanted to call a doctor, but I grabbed her, so instead, she helped me by holding water in her mouth and passing it to me.
“It’s not exactly a kiss, but… that’s what happened.”
As I listened to Leticia’s story, the long-forgotten memory began to stir inside me. That agonizing night—the faint image of someone moving through my hazy vision, the cool and soft touch against my dry lips, and my feverish voice calling out to her.
“My goodness, how could I have forgotten this?”
I pulled Leticia into a tight embrace. To regain such a beautiful memory—it made me want to thank Lord Sigmund. Seeing me so happy, Leticia smiled shyly.
“If it makes you happy, then I’m happy too.”
“Did you confess this just for me?”
Leticia gave a small nod. A wave of tender emotion swept over me. Another memory from the past had turned into a treasure. A radiant, everlasting treasure that would forever light up my heart.
“I didn’t understand when you said that old memories could become happiness, but… now I think I’m starting to get it. Will the rest of our memories become like that too?”
“Of course. Now that we’ve started, why don’t we revisit each one together?”
“Revisit… how?”
“Just like we remembered when I taught you how to ride a horse earlier, we can go through other times together as well.”
Leticia seemed to like my idea, her smile relaxing as she nodded.
“That sounds nice.”
“So, where should we start?”
“Could you… teach me self-defense again?”
“Absolutely. Shall I pack a lunch too? This time, I’ll show off my cooking skills.”
“You have cooking skills?”
“I didn’t before, but I plan to develop them this time. You’ll just have to give me a few days.”
“And the carrots…”
“I’ll be sure to leave them out this time.”
Leticia burst into laughter, and I laughed too, kissing her as I whispered.
“I love you, Leticia. In the past, now, and forever. You will always be my only salvation.”
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