The first thing that unfolded before my eyes was the sight of my brother, still alive.
More precisely, it was when he was newly appointed as the Crown Prince of Genos and had traveled to the empire at Josephina’s request.
At the banquet held to welcome him, the imperial nobles had thrown all sorts of insults at him under the guise of courtesy.
I had been deeply shocked watching it unfold.
Long ago, I had once asked him if he had faced any hardships during that banquet. He had laughed, calling me a little child who worried too much.
Even though I knew my brother’s personality—how he wouldn’t easily admit to anything painful—I had believed his words.
He had seemed so composed, and I had been so young at the time.
But now, I was older than my brother had been when he attended that banquet. Seeing firsthand what he had endured, I couldn’t contain my fury.
Yet, my anger didn’t last long.
Suddenly, the scene shifted, and pale moonlight streamed in through the window.
It was the very room where my brother had stayed during his time in the empire for the banquet.
Half-raised in bed, my brother muttered in confusion.
“What kind of dream is this? It feels so real. Like it’s actually happening.”
I froze.
“Dietrian as king… He’d do a good job, but… what was I doing then?”
He let out a soft chuckle and lay back down.
“Did I just hand over the throne because I found it too troublesome? Well, the banquet was a bit of a mess earlier.”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
‘A dream? On the day he first came to the empire, my brother dreamed I would become king?’
My brother, who shared the same Gilead blood as I did, had a dream different from his usual ones.
And just as he dreamed, I became the king of Genos. Was that really just a coincidence?
‘No. It can’t be.’
If it were merely a coincidence, Lord Sigmund wouldn’t have shown this to me, risking the constraints of causality.
That meant this was an incredibly important scene.
A scene tied to the fate of Leticia, my brother, and myself.
I couldn’t help but realize it.
‘My brother dreamed the Gilead’s dream.’
The thought surged ahead without hesitation.
‘That couldn’t have been the end of the Gilead’s dream.’
The scenes flashed by quickly. Just as I suspected, my brother had dreamed the Gilead’s dream multiple times. Each time, the dreams became clearer.
“It’s that dream again. I’ve been having the same dream for days. This is strange.”
“The saintess is calling for Dietrian… Why that young boy?”
“Dietrian even got married?”
As the dreams progressed, my growing suspicions became more solid. The weight of the truth hidden behind those suspicions pressed down on me.
‘No way.’
I couldn’t bear to accept that truth, so I instinctively stepped back. But in the end, I had no choice but to face it.
“…The only way is for me to die. If that’s the way to protect everyone, then I must accept it.”
Watching my brother smile faintly, I squeezed my eyes shut.
‘He knew everything. He went to the empire knowing he would die. To save me. To make sure I would meet Leticia!’
How could I ever put into words the despair I felt in that moment?
The happiness I had felt just hours before, thanks to Leticia, lost its glow.
If I had the power to turn back time then, I would have done it without hesitation.
Leticia would have made the same choice as I did.
How could we be happy, standing on a future built from my brother’s sacrifice?
Ironically, the dream that plunged me into despair was the same dream that pulled me out of it.
‘I dreamt of meeting my brother in Heden. Perhaps that was the Gilead’s dream.’
In Heden, on the night Leticia defeated Balenos, I had a strange dream, different from my usual ones.
In a place that didn’t seem to exist in this world, its skies painted in a crimson hue, I met my brother—alive.
‘If that dream was indeed Gilead’s dream, then it means I can meet my brother again.’
The tumult in my heart settled, an astonishing calm washing over me. What had been a suspicion was now a certainty.
I could meet my brother again.
I knew it instinctively. I had awakened as Gilead. It was as if I had gained a new sight, one that could pierce through to the truth.
The Eye of Truth immediately revealed a new truth to me.
“I don’t care what happens to me. You can do whatever you want to me, but you must not be hurt.”
It was the “past me” that Leticia had met.
* * *
In this second life, there were moments when I felt a strange dissonance while observing Leticia’s words and actions.
The day we first kissed, she told me something that puzzled me.
“I need to prepare so that Your Highness can endure that night.”
“If we practice in advance, I think Your Highness will feel more comfortable when the day comes.”
“Practice touching me, Your Highness.”
At the time, I was so elated by our first kiss that I didn’t give her words much thought.
I simply assumed that, because of her low self-esteem, she was uncomfortable with being loved.
But upon realizing the truth, I saw that wasn’t the case.
She was undoubtedly worried that, like in the past, Josephina’s priests would find fault with the consummation ritual and use it as an excuse to attack me.
Realizing the truth, my heart felt like it would burst with an overwhelming mix of emotions.
I was filled with immense love for her, imagining how she had quietly worried for me, unable to share her concerns.
At the same time, memories from before our regression—when I saw her during our first night together—came flooding back.
I recalled the heartbreaking sight of her, unable to recognize me as she suffered through nightmares, her fear so palpable it brought me to tears.
Just as I had in the past, I began to blame myself for the choices I had made that night.
I should have recognized her pain sooner. But instead, I had remained guarded, suspicious, unable to see it.
In my ignorance, she had been left to die alone.
The only consolation I had was knowing that some of my actions from the past had left her with a few good memories.
“Step carefully over the gravel. Don’t ever step on the sharp rocks gathered there—that’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it?”
“That’s right. You remember it exactly.”
Right after our wedding, as we left for the Gravel Desert, I had been explaining the dangers of the desert to Leticia. She smiled as she recalled my words.
“Yes, I had a good teacher.”
The teacher she spoke of was me, from the past.
“Have you crossed the Gravel Desert before?”
“Yes, I have. A long time ago.”
At the time, I didn’t understand, but now I do.
In her eyes as she spoke those words, there was a faint longing. A longing for me, the person she missed.
When I first saw the past, I was merely an observer. I believed it was arranged that way by Lord Sigmund.
Even though it was something I had lived through, there was a sense of distance. That distance kept me from being swept away by the intense emotions of the past.
But the more I connected the past and the present, that distance vanished in an instant. I found myself utterly immersed in my memories of the desert.
The memory of holding her limp body, unconscious from the pain of her wounded feet.
The warmth of her breath against my neck as she lay fully within my embrace.
Her faint, barely audible moans as she struggled to stay alive.
I couldn’t understand.
How had I forgotten all of that?
How could I have forgotten the night we spent together in the desert, where it felt like it was just the two of us in the whole world? You, the one person who made me live as a human rather than a king.
How did I manage to live forgetting you?
“Lord Sigmund, what must I do now?”
I barely managed to stop myself from dwelling on the past any longer. There was something far more important than retracing old memories.
I had to protect Leticia, my wife, the woman who had given her life for me twice. The sky outside was beginning to lighten with a bluish tint as dawn approached. Everything had changed.
My heart was no longer the same as it was yesterday.
So, just as I had done in the past, I decided once again to live not as a king, but as a man.
“There must be a reason you’ve shown me all of this. What must I do for Leticia?”
At that very moment.
The future began to unfold before my eyes, starting with the scene of Leticia confronting the emperor at the banquet.
* * *
What followed were breathless, urgent days. I moved relentlessly, trying to make the future I had seen a reality.
My body was exhausted, but I was grateful. If I had not been so busy, the memories of the past would have swallowed me whole.
No, they had already begun to consume me, bit by bit.
What saddened me the most were the memories of Leticia’s past. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake off the pain of her life.
There were two main ways Gilead’s power allowed me to see the past.
One was reliving my own past, and the other was observing someone else’s.
When I relived my own past, it was like forgotten childhood memories resurfacing. Some emotions remained intensely vivid, but in the end, it became something of the past, settled within me.
In my previous life, I loved Leticia deeply, and it hurt. The despair, sorrow, and loneliness of unreciprocated love weighed heavily on me.
But in the end, it was something that had passed. Before I closed the chapter on my previous life, I had already made peace with it.
I knew Leticia hadn’t truly abandoned me. More than that, I knew she had sacrificed her life for me.
And now, with Gilead’s power, I had even come to understand that she had loved me all along.
Although the curse had prevented our hearts from reaching each other, we had loved each other all along.
At last, we understood one another and became truly husband and wife.
And yet, the sorrow inside me only grew deeper.
When I took my own life, I had thought…
That my death would bring her happiness. She had always feared death, and once the curse was broken, I believed she would find freedom… That’s what I had thought.
“Dietrian, I’m sorry…”
After the fall of the Principality, I couldn’t forget the image of her, confined in that shabby room in the West Palace where I had once seen her so long ago, longing for me.
Her body covered in wounds, her face pale with sickness, her wrists thin and frail.
She had been dying.
She had spent three long years dying.
Because… I had died.
Of course, at the time, I had no other choice. Even if I went back to the past a hundred or a thousand times, I would still have died for her.
But knowing that in my mind and accepting it in my heart were two different things.
That’s why I couldn’t easily face her. I didn’t want her to see me in such a confused, tormented state.
“Where do you think you’re going?!”
But in the end, she found me.
Just as she had found me and loved me again after those three years.
Behind her, Irene’s sphere of light had transformed into a pair of radiant wings, glowing beautifully.
She had always been my light.
In the past, and even now. Always.
Shamelessly, as I held her in my arms, the painful memories of my past began to shimmer and brighten.
What had once felt like a path of thorns was now illuminated because it had led me to receive her love.
Looking back, it wasn’t a thorny path after all—it was a road of flowers.
A path leading to the heaven that was you.
As I wrapped my trembling arms around her, a thought crossed my mind.
‘I will always be with you. Even if the curse is never lifted, I will never leave you lonely again. I will die with you. No one will be able to criticize my choice.’
Now that I had accepted the end, I felt strangely at peace. I had decided to tell Leticia about my choice. She would be sad, but I wanted to assure her that I would never leave her alone again.
And so, when I promised her that we would die together, she said,
“Why are you talking about dying?!”
“To make sure you’re never alone again…”
“So why are you even thinking about dying? I want to live with you! We have to live together. We’re going to survive together! I’m not going to die. We have to live together! I’m pregnant!”
“…What?”
Her words, completely unexpected, made me feel like I was dreaming. I stared, stunned, at Leticia, who was now tearing up. And then, in response to her confession—that she was carrying the child we had longed for—I said the dumbest thing imaginable.
“But we used contraception. How…?”
“How should I know? I don’t know either! But we have a child! There’s a baby!”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Just moments ago, I had been crushed under the weight of my sadness. Suddenly, that sorrow had scattered. There was still a trace of it left, but it was gone.
I was bewildered.
And so, like a fool, I asked again.
“…What?”
Leticia nearly grabbed me by the collar as she yelled.
“I’m carrying your child! So why are you talking about dying? We both have to live! If we die, our baby dies too!”
I was slow to comprehend her words, just as I had been slow to recall the past. I took a deep breath. As I looked at my wife’s tear-streaked face, a bright light slowly began to fill my heart.
“Is it true? You’re pregnant? You’re carrying my child, our child?”
Leticia burst into tears, exasperated by having to repeat herself yet again.
I can say with certainty that I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life.
As I watched her tearful face, the last shred of gray sorrow in my heart shattered into pieces. In its place, a surge of joy filled me completely.
Half out of my mind, I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her over and over. The woman in front of me, who had always driven me mad with love, now made me completely lose my senses with how precious she was.
“You’re so beautiful, it’s driving me crazy. I’m so happy, I could die without any regrets.”
Startled by my sudden kiss, she looked confused. Even that fleeting expression made me anxious to kiss her again. Like a madman, I stole another kiss from her lips. Even in that moment, a small part of me remained clear-headed enough to judge myself honestly.
‘I really am insane.’
Yes, I must have truly lost my mind. To even think about leaving someone as precious as you behind—what was I thinking?
Just like I had once thought on our wedding night, I should have aimed for a lifetime together. I should have begged Lord Sigmund to lift the curse so we could live happily ever after.
“Haa…”
Only after a long while did I finally calm down. I held her tightly in my arms. Leticia seemed surprised by my actions, but she didn’t appear displeased. She confessed that she had been worried I wouldn’t be happy about the pregnancy.
“How could that ever be?”
I answered as I tightened my arms around her. Her small, warm body nestled perfectly into my embrace. I could feel her belly press against me.
Inside, our child—the child of both of us—was growing.
Our baby was in my arms, too.
‘I love you, Leticia.’
In time, our child would grow. Her once-flat belly would round and become prominent. There would come a day when we would feel the baby’s movements for the first time.
Just imagining that day made my eyes sting with warmth.
Leticia, my wife.
The woman I love.
She is my salvation, my light, my heaven… and also, my radiant future.
* * *
After that, everything seemed to go remarkably well, as if it were all a lie. Not every step was smooth. There were painful moments, like when I learned that Lehir was using my brother’s soul.
But in the end, we overcame it all. I finally defeated Lehir and returned to my mother’s side with my brother.
Perhaps it was all possible because I had been able to see the past through Gilead’s power.
I ventured into the world of the dead to save my brother. It was an incredibly dangerous choice for someone still alive, but I had no hesitation.
I had learned from my memories of the past.
One-sided sacrifice never leads to happiness.
Just as Leticia had been miserable, even after I sacrificed myself to save her long ago.
Realizing that helped me solve the most difficult problem.
But one dilemma remained.
‘How do I tell Leticia about the past?’
Leticia knew that I had seen the past, but she didn’t know exactly what scenes I had witnessed. She assumed vaguely that I had seen her suffering and abuse. She didn’t know that I had loved her from the beginning, nor that I had chosen death for her sake.
I wanted to confess my past love to her.
I wanted to tell her that I hadn’t been kind to her simply because I was gentlemanly, but because I had fallen for her from the moment we first met.
I wanted to tell her that the reason I had earned her love was that I had loved her first.
I wanted to see her smile, watching me boast that our marriage was my doing.
But I couldn’t bring myself to speak easily.
Because if I confessed my long love for her, she would inevitably start questioning how true my final choice had been.
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