“Goyo, today’s dress is a bit different, it looks neat!”
“I don’t want to stand out. I feel embarrassed and shy when people look at me. But you know this dress. It’s similar to the one you recommended before, Terio. Is it okay?”
“Yeah, it’s very pretty!”
Goyo fidgeted with her hands in embarrassment at the sight of the boy’s bright smile. At the age of ten, among children dressed in fairy-like skirts with lots of lace, she felt a bit shy to be the only one wearing a plain skirt.
It was ironic that she felt embarrassed for dressing modestly to avoid the embarrassment of receiving compliments for dressing up, but Goyo regretted it nonetheless.
However, as soon as she heard Terio’s words, her mood instantly improved. She felt a bit embarrassed by her own fickleness.
“You know, Goyo, my mother used to wear things like this too.”
“Do you remember that?”
“No, I saw it in a portrait. I don’t really remember.”
Seeing Goyo nodding in understanding, Terio smiled confidently.
“But even if I hadn’t seen the portrait, I would have known. All Alte people are knights, so they don’t like dressing flamboyantly.”
“Yeah, why?”
“People should have solid inner qualities. If they live in such outward luxury, it makes them seem a bit empty-headed.”
“That’s harsh… But liking pretty things can’t be helped.”
Goyo, who didn’t think poorly of fancy things but simply disliked standing out, felt as if Terio’s words were attacking her.
Seeing the disheartened girl, Terio tilted his head in confusion. Is fancy really pretty?
“But Goyo, you’re pretty even without wearing flashy clothes.”
“What? Why do you say things that make me embarrassed?”
“But it’s true. The simple and neat look suits you. You look prettier that way.”
Really? Goyo looked down at her outfit.
“You know, Goyo, could you keep dressing like this?”
“What? But on birthdays or big parties…”
“As long as you look pretty, isn’t that enough? Can’t you, please?”
Seeing Terio pleading persistently, Goyo reluctantly nodded. After all, she disliked standing out, and if this suited her better, it would be better to wear what suited her.
“Okay.”
“Then it’s a promise?”
“I said okay, really.”
With Goyo’s words, Terio smiled as brightly as the sun. However, that bright smile quickly faded, and young Terio looked at Goyo with a cold, expressionless face.
“But you promised. Why?”
“What?”
“Why did you marry the Marquis?”
Terio reached out his hand. Without a chance to evade, the hand that grabbed Goyo’s neck grew instantly, transforming into the hand of an adult.
At the age of ten to twenty-nine, Terio grew up in an instant and choked Goyo’s neck. Not only had Terio grown, but so had Goyo, yet she couldn’t resist properly.
“Why did you marry that flashy and extravagant man? Huh, Goyo? I told you, flashy things don’t suit you.”
“Te, Terio…!”
“Why did you break your promise, Goyo? Why didn’t you listen to your mother, Goyo?”
It was a dream, but the lack of pain made it even more terrifying.
“I told you not to marry. I said you would be unhappy. So why, why didn’t you listen to me and marry him? Goyo, Goyo, Goyo. I loved Melissy, and after stubbornly marrying, Melissy died, died instead of you.”
“Let… go…!”
“You have to take responsibility, Goyo. Did you ever think about leaving me alone when you ran away? Why didn’t you listen to me? I was the only one who stayed by your side. I was your friend and your lover.”
“Ugh!”
“Goyo. Come back, come back, come back, come back.”
Terio, who was choking her, tilted his face slightly. Smiling happily, he brought his face closer.
His lips almost touched, and Goyo, struggling with rising contempt, saw him mouth the words.
It’s not too late.
“Goyo!”
“Gasp!”
It was another nightmare.
Goyo woke up with a gasp, breathing heavily.
The sight of Terio Alte had vanished, but the uneasy pounding in her chest remained.
Annecy, who had awakened Goyo, was at a loss and carefully hugged her sweat-drenched body. His arms were completely relaxed, ready for Goyo to push him away at any moment.
Goyo flinched at the touch, but the slightly fast heartbeat of the other person surprisingly helped her calm down.
Slowly, the tension left her body. Confirming that Goyo did not feel repelled, Annecy closed his open arms and held her tighter.
Her rough breathing gradually subsided.
“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t wake you up sooner.”
“No, no… it’s okay.”
As if suppressing her anxiety, Goyo closed her eyelids. Whether her eyes were open or closed, everything was black, but hearing the sound of a heartbeat seemed to help a little.
The anxiety and fear in the dream slowly lost their power as she returned to reality. As emotions scattered into the air, sorrow filled the empty space.
What did I wish for? Even in the decision to give up everything and face the end, why do I have to suffer now?
Why do I have to face the face I no longer need to see in my dreams and hear abusive words?
There were many days when Goyo felt sorrow. Sometimes from her family, sometimes from strangers, and often from Terio Alte. There were many, many days when sorrow would well up.
But there were no days when her sorrow was comforted. Her family was only a formal blood tie to her, and Terio could not empathize with her sorrow.
Thus, Goyo had always comforted her own sorrow, and even fleeting emotions would quickly dissipate. But this time, it didn’t work well.
It was because of the warmth holding her. Because of the low voice saying sorry for not waking her sooner. Because of the clumsy patting on her back.
It was because of Annecy. The wet heart opened her dry lips.
“In the dream, in the nightmare, Terio appeared. As you said, a wrecker appeared.”
“I see.”
“Terio never touched me, but it was so vivid. He strangled me, asking why I didn’t listen, and I…”
“That bastard deserves to be strangled too.”
“It was so scary… What?”
“Nothing, so what happened next?”
“So… that’s all, just. He cursed me, saying why I didn’t listen when he told me not to marry, that I would be unhappy, and told me to come back, to come back.”
As Goyo continued speaking, Annecy clenched his teeth harder and harder. Knowing that Goyo had buried her face in his chest, hiding her own, he didn’t have to control his expression.
On the contrary, his slow pats on her back were so gentle they were completely harmless.
Goyo, unaware of Annecy’s expression, felt embarrassed after spilling everything. It was just a dream, so why did she complain as if it were such a big deal? Annecy had listened to her too well for her to stop.
‘Too much kindness is also a fault.’
Her lips, closed in embarrassment, opened again to offer an explanation.
“The dream was too vivid. I usually have nightmares often, so I’m okay, but today’s dream was too vivid.”
“Do you often have nightmares?”
“Yes, a bit. …Anyway, I’m sorry for making such a fuss. You must have been tired today.”
“No, actually. Anyway, I wasn’t sleeping, so it’s okay. And it’s not a fuss. Even if it’s a dream, you experience it vividly until you wake up. The senses and emotions are all real.”
Listening to Annecy’s words, Goyo blinked. She couldn’t find a single flaw in his words.
“…That’s true.”
“Even if it didn’t happen in reality, it’s something you experienced. It’s natural to be hurt. So, the wrecker committing a crime in the dream is also real.”
“What?”
“But since the court won’t handle crimes in dreams, I’ll take care of it myself…”
“Are you joking?”
Hoping he was joking, Goyo’s voice prompted Annecy to change his tone nonchalantly.
“Of course, it’s a joke.”
“Was it also a joke when you said you should strangle him earlier?”
“It was humor.”
“…I see, though it wasn’t very funny.”
Goyo nodded, not finding it very convincing. As Goyo’s words faded, a natural silence settled between them.
Listening to the sound of breathing, it felt as if sleepiness was creeping back in, as if she had never woken up in a panic.
‘Is it because I’m in this person’s arms?’
Goyo considered asking Annecy to let go, but decided against it.
If it was uncomfortable, Annecy would let go on his own. There was also a slight selfishness in the warmth of his embrace feeling pleasant.
Pressing her fluttering eyelids shut, Goyo spoke of what came to mind.
“You know, Annecy, I think it was good not to burn down the rose garden.”
“Is that so.”
“I’ve come to want to like roses.”
The words of Terio Alte she heard in the dream echoed.
‘People should have solid inner qualities. If they live in such outward luxury, it makes them seem a bit empty-headed.’
You’re the one who’s neither solid inside nor out.
‘But really, the simple and neat look suits you. You look prettier that way.’
Don’t force it on me.
‘Then it’s a promise?’
A promise you didn’t keep, why should I?
Whether the dream was really about the past or it came from talking about flashy preferences with Annecy, she didn’t know.
The conversation in the dream seemed plausible, but it wasn’t in Goyo’s memory.
But just as she had become accustomed to the scent of Annecy Bethelgius that initially bothered her so much, perhaps the things she thought she disliked weren’t actually things she disliked.
Maybe it was just unfamiliarity that frightened her, and perhaps she could come to like them.
Goyo’s voice became muffled with sleepiness.
“Maybe I don’t dislike flashy things after all.”
“That’s good to hear.”
Despite her muffled voice, Annecy somehow understood, making Goyo smile faintly in her half-sleep.
“Annecy.”
“Yes, Goyo.”
“Thank you.”
The hand that was patting her back stopped. The breathing of the sleeping person soon became even, and after a long while.
In the room that was only filled with silence, the man barely spoke.
“…Yes.”
The muffled voice was so low and soft that even if Goyo were awake, she wouldn’t have heard it.
“Have a good dream, Goyo.”
Annecy kissed the head of the sleeping person. His face, buried in the darkness, looked extremely complicated, as if he wasn’t wearing a mask at all.
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