It had not been that long since Goyo last saw Terio. If judged by the past, it might be different, but only a week had passed since her death until today.
However, in Terio’s face, Goyo felt a long time.
Was it seven years that had passed? No other face had made her feel this much reality.
Whether seven years ago or after, being in their twenties, twenty-nine wasn’t an old age, but the face in front of her was unimaginably unfamiliar.
His wax-like face in the past was once so vibrant. Though there was a slight shadow, it was within the usual degree for anyone.
Goyo felt a moment of choking. She felt responsible for the change in Terio.
Observing Goyo’s complexion, Terio inquired about her well-being.
“I heard you were sick, are you okay?”
“It was just a few days ago.”
“Even so.”
Instead of answering Terio’s concern, Goyo closed her mouth.
Terio sighed and stepped closer. He then tried to kiss his fiancée’s cheek as if it were a habit, but had to retreat due to the hand pushing his shoulder.
Goyo…? Pretending not to notice Terio’s puzzled look, Goyo sat down on the sofa.
“Sorry for calling you over. I wanted to go, but I still have a bit of a fever.”
“It’s okay. It’s not far.”
Thinking about what to say, Goyo sipped the tea in front of her.
“I had something I wanted to say. Or rather, I thought I would.”
Terio Alte never opened up until the day before their wedding. The shadows on his face deepened by the day, and his smile gradually disappeared.
Even on the day he came drunk to reveal his true feelings, Goyo didn’t listen to him, so not once had Terio’s true feelings come out. Eventually, Melissy Rubiette died, leading to catastrophe.
Should she call it tragic or foolish? Despite being the one who silenced Terio, Goyo felt an indescribable emotion.
It wasn’t even silencing. Terio attempted to speak just the day before the wedding, when everything was already decided.
Foolishly, Terio tried to open up after everything was over.
Perhaps it was lingering attachment, or maybe he wanted to blame Goyo Rubiette.
Throughout the impending marriage, what thoughts did Terio have?
For Goyo, just guessing was agonizing. Even now, with everything erased.
“Our real engagement ceremony is soon. And we’ll get married next year.”
“…That’s right.”
“Do you remember, Terio? What you said when we were friends. That we would be friends forever.”
To Goyo Rubiette, who was shy and didn’t like people, having no one around, those words were a great joy.
Thinking of her naive happiness, Goyo smiled slightly. Her mouth tasted bitter.
“It broke the day you confessed to me.”
“Goyo.”
“Do you remember the day I accepted your confession? You cried a lot then.”
Seeing Terio cry after so long had left her quite flustered.
Trying to console her newly made lover, awkwardly, she had eventually laughed seeing Terio, like a child, turn his head to hide his crying face.
That day, Terio had repeated those words again.
“You said while crying, that you would love me forever.”
He should have rather not said anything.
“I’ve watched you for a long time. I know well about your fickleness and your poor keeping of promises.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Really?”
Though his manly face appeared as usual, Goyo, who had spent over ten years with Terio, could see his agitation.
Should she smooth out the trembling corners of his eyes? Goyo lifted her hand but then put it down. She didn’t want to do that anymore.
“Once the engagement ceremony is over, there’s no turning back. Whether you cry, get angry, or cause a fuss, it won’t change anything. If you don’t say it now, it will all be your fault, Terio.”
Goyo thought she had spoken quite bluntly, but Terio remained silent. He just kept looking at Goyo with the same expression.
He seemed confused. Was it that he hadn’t realized his own feelings, thought he should keep his promise, or was he just burdened by the idea of breaking off the engagement?
Did he need time to think? Changing her serious expression to a smile, Goyo shrugged.
“I just called you to say that. Silly, isn’t it?”
“Goyo…”
“Sorry, I’m not feeling well, so I’d like you to go back today.”
Goyo got up from the sofa. She turned to leave the drawing-room but was caught by strong arms and ended up in Terio’s embrace.
Terio hugged Goyo and buried his face in her rounded shoulder.
‘It’s been a while since I was held by Terio.’
Goyo thought indifferently. Although she had loved him so much and wished for his return, her heart didn’t even flutter, perhaps buried along with her death.
Goyo, who had never spoken of eternal love, nonetheless felt sad for her extinguished emotions.
“…Since when did you know?”
“I’ve known you more than a day or two.”
“I’m sorry, Goyo. I…”
The voice buried in her shoulder trembled finely. Despite being stained with guilt, the voice harbored deep joy. At the moment of saying goodbye, Terio Alte spoke with such a voice.
“Let’s call off the engagement.”
“Yes, Terio.”
Without any sorrow, Goyo nodded.
It’s done now.
There would be no more hearing Terio’s resentment.
No more deaths of Melissy, no more being blamed for it, no more hoping for Terio to find a new lover, no more counting her death anniversary.
“Tell the adults yourself.”
“I will.”
“And one more thing, there’s a condition.”
Terio, pushed away gently by Goyo’s hand, asked back. A condition?
“It’s nothing big. Just, go with me to the royal ball next month. It’s a hassle to find another partner.”
“I didn’t know you liked balls.”
“I have my reasons. It doesn’t matter if you tell the adults first.”
Anyway, you’ll do it, right? Terio nodded lightly. It was a light request, so Terio’s nod was light.
Thanks. With a cheerful face, Terio expressed his gratitude to Goyo.
For what was he thankful? For giving up her love for him? For letting him go so easily? For noticing first and being considerate?
What’s the thanks for?
Seeing the smiling man, Goyo also smiled.
“No need for thanks, just be happy.”
‘You killed Melissy. If you hadn’t rejected the marriage talk, if you had let me go, Melissy would still be alive.’
Actually, Goyo was curious. The man who blamed him for Melissy’s death, who couldn’t let go of his resentment until the day Goyo died, what face would he make this time?
If Melissy wasn’t the one pushed to the edge but Goyo due to his fickleness, if she ended up dead, whom would the man blame at that moment?
‘If you don’t say it now, it will all be your fault, Terio.’
No, in fact, even if you say it, it’s your fault. It’s your choice and your responsibility. In the end, it was Terio Alte who changed his mind and tormented himself.
“Since it’s your choice, don’t regret it this time.”
Goyo hoped that Terio would blame himself.
Time sustained only by guilt and responsibility. The void left by love was filled with resentment, making it impossible not to blame him.
Goyo couldn’t tell whether she wished for Terio’s happiness or unhappiness.
The only certainty was that neither Terio who loved Goyo nor Goyo who loved Terio was present at this moment.
It was a sorrowful thing.
* * *
For some, turning back time might be a blessing. They could recapture something lost, whether it be money, a lover, or life itself.
However, for Goyo, there was nothing that could be changed by going back.
As the eldest daughter of the Rubiette family, Goyo Rubiette was born with many things in her grasp. Money, power, looks—she had plenty of what others envied. But there were many things Goyo lacked.
Her parents’ marriage was for political reasons. The couple did not love each other, nor did they love their bloodline.
It was a nanny employed by the Rubiette family who nurtured Goyo with affection, but she died in an accident when Goyo was five. After that, care was merely formal.
At thirteen, even her unloving mother disappeared, and the Duke of Rubiette married the one he loved.
He seemed happy with his beloved wife, and their family appeared happy too. Even the stepdaughter, who had no Rubiette blood, seemed so.
Spring came to everyone except Goyo.
So, as Goyo Rubiette grew up, all she ever wanted was a happy family.
When she accepted Terio’s heart and clearly felt his love, Goyo believed her only wish would come true.
However, regrettably, Goyo…
At twenty-nine, Goyo Rubiette became the twenty-two-year-old Goyo Rubiette. But what had changed?
The choices available to her remained the same. One was to marry Terio Alte and repeat her previous life.
And the other was to accept the Marquis of Bethelgius’s proposal and disappear into history with Rubiette.
Either way, it was only ruin.
It wasn’t as if she could choose no one. The Duke of Rubiette, though he did not love his daughter, respected her as the eldest daughter of Rubiette. Therefore, the obligation was stricter.
Having been born and raised as a member of a noble family and having enjoyed its benefits, Goyo couldn’t shirk her responsibility. She couldn’t abandon everything and run away to live alone.
Even if the Duke were more generous than Goyo thought and allowed a third option, the result would be the same.
If she chose to marry someone other than Terio or the Marquis, as long as that person belonged to a respectable family, the Duke might permit it.
That person might genuinely love Goyo.
However, even if Goyo became happy due to that, it would only be a happiness surrounded by anxiety.
The Marquis of Bethelgius would not leave the remaining Rubiette. Goyo knew that as Lady Alte, she survived solely because of Alte.
Only in the arms of the Duke of Alte, the emperor’s sword, could she breathe until she chose for herself.
In fact, after the annihilation of Rubiette, when she met the Marquis of Bethelgius at a ball, he had remarked that Lady Alte was indeed a lucky person. It was a statement that couldn’t even draw a scoff.
Goyo had no choices. No one would call the absurd options of choosing how to meet destruction a true choice.
Thus, Goyo Rubiette decided to choose a more certain destruction.
To ensure that no vain hope would rise again to tear at her heart.
To completely let go of the lingering thought that she could be happy.
At least, despair did not torment Goyo as much as hope did.
Goyo Rubiette decided to become Goyo Bethelgius.