Prologue
“Are you going to be a little late today?”
“Why.”
Just because.
They say you can’t spit on a smiling face, but seeing a frowning face, it seems that’s not always true.
Terio slipped his arm through the coat that had been paused in mid-wear. The previously indifferent gesture now seemed quite irritable. As if revealing his master’s uncomfortable mood.
“I told you, Goyo.”
Terio, having finished getting ready, looked at me with an impassive face.
“Don’t expect anything from me.”
Of course.
Take care, I said with a smile, but there was no response. Terio left the mansion, and the servants, leaving me behind, went back inside.
I stared blankly at the spot where Terio had disappeared, then slowly lifted my head. They said a storm was coming, but the sky was refreshingly clear.
It’s a strange day.
* * *
It has been quite some time since I met Terio Alte, my husband.
In the skies of Solaris, below the emperor’s seat, there are two ducal families, Alte and Rubiette.
Terio is the son of Alte, and I was the daughter of Rubiette.
The only two ducal families were on good terms, and our ages matched, so it was natural for me to get along with Terio. That’s how it started.
Having known each other from a very young age, we were each other’s best friends. We were so close that we could confidently say we knew everything about each other, from preferences and specialties to future dreams.
Between him and me, there was above all a deep friendship, and there was a time when we believed it would last forever.
Until Terio confessed his feelings for me.
At first, there was confusion, then denial, followed by anger, and finally love.
The emotional changes over a year were indeed extreme, and the eternity we swore in childhood was indeed futile. But what was even more futile was my own heart.
The time it took for a friendship I never doubted to melt away and become love was excessively short.
I love you, Terio.
The moment I succumbed to my heart, despite the anxiety of losing the envisioned future. He cried, and I smiled.
It’s okay, nothing has changed. Although we lost eternal friendship, we gained eternal love. Goyo Rubiette decided to believe in eternity once more. Foolishly.
After that, it was smooth sailing. The clumsy love grew with time as its nourishment. Though the heart-pounding excitement was not as it had been, it was replaced by stability.
We became adults, and our verbal engagement was formalized.
It was exactly three years after my relationship with Terio changed, and it was the first day he spoke with Melissy.
Melissy Rubiette, my younger sister who, though not a drop of blood shared, still bore the Rubiette name.
Melissy was the daughter of Lady Kazel, who became the duchess after my mother’s death.
Melissy was admitted into the ducal family when I was thirteen and she was about ten, but Terio had no interest in her, so that day was the first time they had a conversation.
I didn’t particularly like my delicate younger sister, but I didn’t dislike her either, so I left Terio and Melissy to their conversation.
Not knowing that it would turn my capricious lover’s heart.
I didn’t know. Whether it was because I didn’t want to know or I subconsciously avoided it, I still don’t know what was underlying my feelings, but I truly didn’t know.
As we proceeded with the formal engagement ceremony, we set a wedding date. As that date approached, Terio’s expression became increasingly strange.
He said it was because he was nervous, and I nodded, but I couldn’t fully accept it deep down.
However, a bride-to-be on the verge of marriage isn’t a person with much leisure to think deeply.
The wedding day approached step by step.
During this time, a marriage proposal came to me. The suitor was the Marquis of Bethelgius, a man who had risen from commoner to marquis in one leap due to his great contributions in the war.
Proposing marriage to someone on the verge of their wedding was extremely rude, so I thought my father would immediately reject it, but surprisingly, he presented the proposal to me.
There were two reasons. One was a political aspect, and the other was… a matter concerning Melissy and Terio.
Halfway through listening to my father’s story, I ran out of the ducal house and went straight to Terio.
To ask if it was true that his heart had changed once again.
To ask if it was true that he harbored feelings for my younger sister on the eve of our wedding. To hear him deny it with my own ears.
However, when I finally faced Terio, I realized everything.
That Terio Alte no longer loved me, that there was someone else in his heart, and that even so, I couldn’t let him go.
When Terio asked what was going on, I smiled silently.
When I returned and looked in the mirror, I saw a neat face that belied the storm raging inside.
I truly am a noble, I laughed helplessly and cried helplessly.
That day, for the first time in ten years, I spilled the water I was drinking on my pillow. “It’s unusual for the lady to make such a mistake,” Annie remarked. “Indeed,” I nodded.
It was Terio Alte who made me like this. So he must take responsibility.
I rejected the marriage proposal and went back to preparing for my wedding. The proposal I declined was passed on to Melissy, and she became the marquis’s fiancée.
I was the only one smiling, and everyone’s faces grew darker, but it didn’t matter.
And then, on the eve of the wedding.
“I have something to say.”
A drunk Terio came to me.
* * *
“If you need anything, please ring the bell.”
“Yes, thank you.”
I motioned for them to leave, and the maids all exited the bathroom.
Even though it was the first time I said I would bathe alone, no one asked again. It’s a relief they didn’t openly ignore me.
I couldn’t help but laugh at how accustomed I had become to such treatment.
Smiling quietly, I reclined in the bathtub. I disliked strong scents and didn’t care for flashy things, so even when I floated petals in the tub, it was usually just a few small ones. But today was different.
The bathtub was filled with red roses to the point that my body was obscured, and the bath salts gave off a bright fragrance.
The light next to the tub glowed purple, and classical music wafted in from the room beyond.
This bathroom, so different from usual, was my first request to the maids.
I asked for it to lift my spirits, but it didn’t suit me and I couldn’t bring myself to like it.
The colors, the light, the scent were all so intense I felt I might suffocate.
Buried in the pile of roses, I closed my eyes.
* * *
The wedding began. I wore a pure white wedding dress, and Terio wore a black tuxedo.
As the ceremony proceeded, the groom didn’t smile even once, but that was enough for me.
From Goyo Rubiette to Goyo Alte. I became Terio’s wife, and Terio became my husband. That was enough.
Even after marriage, Terio continued to wander. There was someone else in his heart instead of me, and he had married someone he didn’t want to.
Terio was colder than usual and treated me formally. He looked sad and tormented. However, after Melissy married the Marquis, he seemed to resign himself and changed his behavior.
My husband returned to how he used to be. Kind words, kind smiles, kind gestures. Occasionally, he seemed to ponder something while looking elsewhere, but when I called him, he would look at me again.
I thought everything had finally returned to its proper place. I believed I would never cry again, never pretend not to know his wounds, never utter cold words out of jealousy of Melissy.
The Rubiette family was annihilated.
At first, I thought I had misheard. My father, who did not love me but respected me, Lady Kazel, who pitied me, and my half-brother who had not even reached adulthood, all were dead.
The charge was treason, and the punishment was execution.
I couldn’t comprehend it. Though a new ruler whom my father did not support had ascended to the throne, the Duke of Rubiette had not opposed the imperial family. He had neither been an active supporter as he had under the previous emperor, nor had he been an active opposer.
We already had much. There was no reason to risk losing everything for a small gain. Even so, the emperor ordered the annihilation of the Rubiette family without hesitation.
The only survivors were me, Melissy, and two others who had not been involved in the conspiracy and had transferred to other families. We survived because the imperial law did not apply collective punishment.
But before I could even call it fortunate, Melissy was found dead at the Bethelgius estate.
The Bethelgius side claimed it was an accidental death, but no one who heard the news believed them. Bethelgius had led the annihilation of the Rubiette family.
In one day, I lost so much. My family, my fortune, my blood relatives, and even those who were not blood-related.
I thought that was enough, but there was one more thing I had lost.
You killed Melissy.
If you had not refused the marriage proposal, if you had let me go, Melissy would be alive now.
That child, with no Rubiette blood, would be crying in my arms by now.
Just like the night before the wedding, Terio came home drunk. His deeply hidden true feelings and resentment came out unfiltered.
But this time, unlike that day, I couldn’t cover his mouth and change the subject. Though I listened blankly, his words unerringly reached my ears.
After spewing his resentment and belatedly regaining his senses, Terio apologized to me.
I just watched his staggering steps towards his room. The question I wanted to ask churned in my throat.
Then what about me?
If I had let you go, if I had married Bethelgius, then what about me?
Terio, do you want me to die?
I regret for a lifetime keeping my mouth shut out of fear of the answer.
* * *
Even though I hadn’t been in long, the rose scent clung to my entire body. It was so strong I didn’t recognize it at first. It seemed even the bath salts were rose-scented.
Staggering, I pulled on a robe over my still wet body.
I stepped on the slippery tiles and opened the door, the classical music from beyond the door growing louder.
I slipped into the slippers placed before the bathroom, walked over the carpet, and sat at the glass table in the middle of the room.
As I did so, drops of water fell from my hair and skin, staining the carpet an unpleasant color.
On the table, as I had instructed, were wine and a wine glass. I poured the wine, and the crimson liquid, darker than blood, filled the glass.
“It’s been a while.”
Valut Mountain ’82, the wine I had uncorked the night before the wedding after sending Terio away, was before me once again.
I felt a bit guilty seeking out the wine whenever I was feeling pathetic, but I had always been a selfish person.
I gazed blankly at the half-filled glass of red wine, then opened the small container next to it.
Inside were silver pills. The heart medication, Silverbell, which I had personally requested from the butler.
The white powder from the crushed pill sprinkled over the wine. The white powder that fell like snow on the red liquid soon sank and dissolved.
Rumble, thunder crashed. Looking out the window, the once clear sky was now pitch black and rain poured down.
It would have been nice to see the stars. I grumbled my dissatisfaction as I took a sip of the wine, now mixed with Silverbell.
Terio wasn’t expected to return for a while. He said it was a business trip, but whether it was the emperor’s command or a secret lover’s request, I didn’t care. Doubt was my insignificant freedom.
Leaning back in the plush chair, I took another sip.
A wet body smelling of roses, a robe wrapping my pathetic frame, wine as dark as rose petals, and the plush chair supporting my back. On a stormy day that occasionally flashed and roared.
Such a day wasn’t so bad.
Feeling my vision blur, I finished off the remaining wine in the glass. Only two sips, yet it felt urgent.
In truth, it suited me well. On a lonely night, listening to classical music tangled with rain, sipping wine that didn’t quite fit, with Goyo Rubiette, of a sharp scent.
How fitting my wretched death was with this chaotic day.
I chose the right day.
Thud, I heard the sound of the wine glass I had been holding drop.
It sounded distant.