“Even the smallest clue will do. Find out anything you can related to her past.”
“Her Majesty’s past?”
Yulken was visibly shocked by my order, but I offered no explanation.
After all, there was nothing certain at this point.
Yulken cautiously asked, “Is this related to Her Majesty’s recent illness? I heard she fell ill with a fever while trying to leave the palace…”
“Yulken, are there still fools spreading such ridiculous rumors?”
At my sharp rebuke, Yulken quickly bowed his head, trying to hide his alarmed expression.
“No, Your Majesty. I must have lost my senses for a moment and spoke nonsense.”
There were strange rumors circulating among the palace servants about her fever.
They claimed that she had tried to leave Genos Palace during the snowstorm and fell ill.
In other words, that the queen had tried to abandon her country.
I quickly found and severely punished the ones responsible for spreading those rumors.
But I couldn’t completely erase the doubts that lingered in people’s hearts.
Though I wanted nothing more than to reveal the truth—that she had saved my mother—I decided to hold back for now.
There was no decisive evidence.
Circumstantial evidence was, after all, just circumstantial.
If I tried to protect her without solid proof, she might end up being targeted even more.
So, I decided to start from the very beginning.
Lies always leave traces somewhere. If Josephina had been deceiving the world all this time, there had to be answers out there.
That’s why I assigned Yulken to investigate her background.
Only after uncovering the truth would I reveal it to everyone.
Of course, no matter what the truth about her past was, the fact remained that she had tried to kill me.
However, I had already come to a conclusion regarding that.
Even if she had tried to kill me, it didn’t matter as long as she didn’t hate me.
No, even if she hated me, that was fine.
As long as she didn’t hate me enough to want me dead.
If her attempt to stab me wasn’t born out of hatred, I could accept everything about her.
In truth, this was a pattern I had repeated many times before.
I would hold her in my heart, reject those feelings for some reason, then finally accept them, only for that acceptance to shatter before I eventually embraced those feelings again.
The entire cycle, over and over again.
But this time, it felt different.
I had a strange feeling.
This was the bottom. There was nowhere lower to go.
I wouldn’t need to reject my feelings again.
I was certain of it.
* * *
As the hope I thought had crumbled began to rise, my mood improved as well.
People around me kept asking if something good had happened.
Even as I feigned ignorance, I couldn’t help but marvel at myself.
What kind of person am I?
I had resolved not to harbor any more hope just a few days ago.
Yet here I was, elated at the mere thought that she might not hate me.
It was absurd how easily hope lifted my spirits.
What difference was there between me and a hunting dog wagging its tail for a treat?
Even as I thought that, I couldn’t help but feel pleased.
So what if it was shallow? As long as I didn’t reveal it, that would be enough.
They say a man in love becomes like a child, and that was exactly it.
Now that I had settled the direction of my feelings, it was time to decide how to treat her.
All this time, I had believed she hated me enough to want me dead.
That’s why I had kept my distance from her as much as possible.
But things had changed.
What if her constant tension wasn’t because of Genos?
What if it was her past wounds that had made her raise her thorns?
Even if those thorns pricked me, it was the right thing to approach her.
She must have been desperately lonely behind those thorns.
「Baby, how lonely you must have been…」
My mother’s words echoed in my mind. I couldn’t help but picture Leticia, who had pushed everyone away and struggled with her isolation.
What were you thinking when you warmed my mother’s cold hands?
What went through your mind when you hid the wet coat and fur shoes under the bed?
As my thoughts reached that point, a baseless courage welled up inside me.
The kind of courage that made me believe I could approach her, that maybe I could be a source of comfort to her.
And with that courage, I ended up making a mistake.
“What did you just say? You’re going to hold my hand, for what?”
Seeing her bewildered expression, I realized I had gone too far.
But it was too late to regret it now.
I awkwardly cleared my throat, avoiding her sharp gaze.
“It seems like you’ve been having severe nightmares recently. I thought perhaps I could help, so I brought it up.”
I glanced at her cautiously and continued.
“After all, we are still husband and wife. We’ve shared the same bedroom for months now. I thought it might be alright to hold your hand when you have nightmares. I just wanted to let you know in advance so you wouldn’t be startled if you woke up…”
I tried to speak as softly and gently as possible, but it didn’t seem to matter to her.
Her face, pale from the illness of the past few days, twisted into a scowl.
“I don’t need it.”
“But Leticia—”
“I said I don’t need it! Don’t even think about touching me!”
She turned her back to me abruptly, pulling the blanket over herself.
I sighed, letting my shoulders droop.
I hadn’t expected her to become affectionate overnight.
But such a harsh rejection was still difficult to swallow.
‘Well, it’s not like I didn’t see this coming.’
I let out a small laugh. Though her reaction had hurt, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.
After all, no matter how harshly she snapped, it couldn’t compare to when she tried to kill me.
‘But how will I deal with the nightmares?’
Today, I had suggested holding her hand when she had nightmares.
I swear by Sigmund, it wasn’t just because of my own feelings. Well, to clarify…
…it wasn’t *only* because of my feelings.
Even though she didn’t remember, I had held her hand the entire time she was sick.
And during that time, her nightmares had eased, even if only slightly.
This was a familiar way to solve things for me, too.
When I was young and had nightmares, I would always run to my brother.
I would wake him up, whining that I was scared.
Then, my brother would either tell me fun stories or pat my back until I fell asleep.
Now that I knew about her nightmares, I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing.
Especially knowing that Josephina appeared in those nightmares.
Even if I couldn’t hold her hand, I had to at least try to help with the nightmares.
‘She seems ready to reject all of my help, though.’
As I pondered, something suddenly came to mind.
I quickly stepped outside and gave instructions to one of the servants to bring something.
The servant, puzzled by my sudden request, nodded and hurried off.
When I returned to the room, Leticia was still turned away from me.
For a moment, I caught myself imagining poking her back playfully but quickly shook the thought away.
‘I must really be losing my mind.’
I took a step back, trying to distance myself before I acted on any more impulsive thoughts.
Still, I couldn’t help but glance at her out of the corner of my eye, checking on her.
Knock, knock.
“Your Majesty, I’ve brought what you requested.”
“Wait a moment.”
I quickly moved toward the door.
Even though she must have heard the conversation between me and the servant, Leticia didn’t move.
I suddenly felt a mischievous urge. I was eager to see how she would react to what I had prepared.
I placed the item the servant had brought on the bed and cleared my throat.
“Leticia, I have something for you.”
“…”
“Leticia, it will only take a moment.”
She continued to ignore me, but I didn’t give up.
“Leticia, I know you’re awake…”
“What on earth is wrong with you today?”
Leticia sat up irritably, glaring at me with frustration.
To her, I must have seemed like a madman, acting so strangely out of the blue.
And yet, despite knowing this, I had to fight to keep a smile from forming.
The fact that she was glaring at me instead of stabbing me made me oddly happy.
“This is a doll I used when I was young. I thought it might help you, so I had it brought here.”
I handed her a slightly worn but well-preserved large teddy bear. She glanced between the bear and me, incredulous, and asked in disbelief,
“You woke me up for this… doll?”
“It’s better than being tormented by nightmares, isn’t it? Just give it a try and hug it while you sleep. It helped me a lot. It was a gift from my brother when I was a child.”
She hesitated, staring at the bear intently.
Her expression, which had been on the verge of tossing the bear aside, began to change.
That change surprised me more than anything.
With a hint of hope, I added,
“It belonged to my brother, Julios, who passed away seven years ago.”
Julios.
The moment I mentioned my brother’s name, her head snapped up to look at me.
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