16, Dietrian
My brother died when I was only sixteen.
At that time, I was just an ignorant kid, so the reality of everyone looking at me was unbearably overwhelming.
So, I clung to my dead brother again and again. I begged him to come back, even if it was just in a dream.
That wish came true a full month after he died.
In the worst possible way.
「I died because of you.」
The image of my brother that appeared in my dream was not the brother I knew. He hung a rope around his neck and bled from every hole in his body. His rotting skin looked like it would fall apart at any moment. His hands, reduced to nothing but bones, tightened around my neck as he cursed me.
「If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have left for the empire. Instead of dying hanging on the walls, I would have become a proper king. This is all your fault. It’s because of you. You should have died instead!」
I knew with my mind that it was an absurd delusion.
My kind brother must have never blamed me even once. At the moment of his death, he would have been grateful to be able to protect me.
But to a mere sixteen-year-old like me, that was no comfort at all.
Struggling to wake up from the nightmare, I buried my face in the pillow and stifled my sobs. I remembered what my father had said to my brother.
「A king must never show weakness. Everyone relies solely on the king, so you must never shed a single tear.」
My brother would have surely become the perfect king.
He had never shown even a moment of weakness, not even to his younger sibling.
I was both envious and proud of him.
I liked living as the only sibling of such a perfect brother.
But that was then.
“Why the hell am I…!”
Why did I become a king instead of being the brother of a king?
Why am I the weak one here instead of the person who would have become the perfect king?
Tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I folded the pillow to cover my face. If I couldn’t stop crying, I had to at least muffle my sobs. I cursed in my mind.
‘Damn it, I’m only sixteen! I should be allowed to shed some tears. I didn’t want to be a king! Why did you abandon me, brother? Why did you die instead of me? You should have let me die!’
I was furious with my brother, grinding my teeth in anger, and I vowed.
If I meet him in a dream again, I will definitely confront him.
He is wrong. So, he should pass that filthy rope to me and come back.
I’ll hang on the walls instead, so please.
Come back to life.
23, Dietrian
“Are you talking about marrying the daughter of the saint? That’s nonsense! I’d rather go to war! We are prepared to fight to the death!”
Everyone fiercely opposed my decision to accept the royal marriage.
I calmly stood each of my ministers up one by one. Seeing me like that only made their distress greater.
They probably believed I was forcing myself to endure despair.
I smiled at them and said, “I’m fine.”
The words that I’m fine were sincere.
Despair only arises when expectations are shattered.
If there are no expectations, there is no despair.
Over the past seven years, I had gradually erased all expectations from my life.
So, it was likely that a sixteen-year-old kid who had cried alone under the covers could clumsily mimic a king.
“Your Majesty…!”
The ministers burst into heartbreaking tears. To them, I must have seemed like I was slowly choking to death as I prepared to accept Leticia as my wife. But even now, seven years later, I sometimes thought I should have been the one hanging on the walls. For me, it was a sense of relief.
* * *
Kieeek!
A beast resembling a wolf swung its long claws, its red eyes gleaming. I immediately summoned my aura. The black flames of the aura flickered and tore at the beast’s neck.
Blood gushed out like a fountain, covering my body in an instant. It was quickly washed away by the pouring rain.
Wiping away the dripping blood, I shouted, “The claws of the Dark Wolf are poisoned! Everyone, stay alert!”
On our way to the Holy Empire for the royal marriage, countless monsters attacked us.
My subordinates were all brave and excellent, but I couldn’t feel completely at ease. It was due to the relentless monsoon rain.
We had prepared sufficiently, but any number of variables could arise. It would be even more so when under attack from monsters in the pouring rain.
Kreeeck!
In the end, what I feared happened.
Enoch, avoiding the attack of the Dark Wolf, stepped on a puddle and slipped. He barely avoided falling, but the Dark Wolf’s claws grazed his arm. At the same time, Enoch’s sword cut off the Dark Wolf’s arm.
Kreeeek!
The Dark Wolf, with its arm severed, howled in rage and lunged at Enoch. Enoch was a moment too slow to react due to his stance.
Before the Dark Wolf’s fangs could bite into Enoch’s wrist, my aura ripped through the beast’s waist. The Dark Wolf’s eyes bulged before it collapsed.
“Thank you, Your Majesty!”
Enoch immediately jumped back into battle. No, he tried to, but I caught him.
“Enoch! Get back right now! You need treatment first!”
“I can fight! It’s just a scratch. Really!”
The youngest, Enoch always worried about burdening his seniors. His impatience was evident, and I scolded him.
“Have you forgotten that the claws of the Dark Wolf are poisoned? I said to get the antidote first! If you underestimate a light injury, it could be irreversible!”
“But I can’t let it interfere with the fight…”
“Trying to fight with that body will be a liability! Why don’t you understand that?”
“I will take care of Enoch, Your Majesty!”
As my voice rose, Martin, who was treating the injured, rushed over.
Enoch’s face contorted with guilt. Holding Enoch’s arm, I spoke to Martin.
“Martin. Make sure to keep a close watch on Enoch so he doesn’t do anything foolish.”
“Of course, Your Majesty!”
Enoch drooped his head helplessly. Leaving him behind, I charged back at the Dark Wolf.
* * *
After the battle ended, I personally checked the condition of the envoy. As I had feared, there were no serious injuries.
There were those like Enoch who had minor scratches, but they were fine after prompt treatment.
As I prepared for camping, I spoke to the injured.
“The injured will be excused from work. Focus solely on resting until you recover!”
“Your Majesty! We cannot lie down comfortably while you are with us!”
“I seem to have to repeat the same words over and over.”
I clicked my tongue at my subordinates, who looked embarrassed.
“There’s no reason for the king to be treated specially. I became king only because I was fortunate enough to be born into the royal family and was the only one to survive. So don’t make a fuss.”
Once I said this, the injured had nothing more to say. Seizing the moment, I drove the point home.
“A king is a protector. If your injuries worsen, I will become a useless king who couldn’t protect my people. Is that the kind of king you wish for?”
“…No.”
“Then stop being stubborn and focus on resting.”
“Understood, Your Majesty.”
What I said to my subordinates was my heartfelt truth. An insignificant human who became king without any special qualification due to my brother’s death had to fulfill my duties. As a king, I had to protect those who dedicated their lives to me as best as I could. Fortunately, up until this battle, I had been lucky. I believed I had succeeded in protecting my people. Until that incident occurred.
* * *
“I’m sorry…”
I blinked in confusion and suddenly sat up. Reflexively, I looked toward the entrance of the tent. Through the half-open flap, I could see pitch-black darkness.
It was still deep in the night.
I felt wide awake as if I had been splashed with cold water.
‘What was that dream just now?’
It was a strange dream that I couldn’t quite express in words. It felt as vivid as experiencing reality itself.
In the dream, a girl I had never seen before was curled up and crying. Long, thin blonde hair flowed down to her waist. White snowflakes poured down onto her bare legs and arms.
The girl trembled and pleaded with someone.
She begged for her life, said she was sorry, that it was too cold, and asked to please open the door.
‘Who on earth was that child?’
Even though it was just a dream, I couldn’t shake it off at all.
I instinctively touched my forehead but hesitated. It was drenched in cold sweat. I looked down at my palm, soaked with sweat in confusion.
‘Why am I like this? Was she a girl I knew?’
No matter how much I thought about it, I had no idea. I had only seen the back of the girl, which made it even more puzzling.
Still, just in case, I tried to recall every blonde girl I knew, but it was useless.
My thoughts didn’t continue any further.
Then, an urgent voice came from outside the tent.
“Your Majesty, it’s terrible! Enoch…!”
* * *
“It seems to be a side effect of the antidote.”
Enoch was curled up on the makeshift bed, trembling. One in a thousand was sensitive to the Dark Wolf antidote.
The antidote that neutralized the poison was harming his body instead.
I had actually anticipated this. I had brought another remedy to counter the side effects, but I missed the timing.
“This kid! If you’re in pain, you should speak up right away! Are you trying to spare me worry by keeping quiet? Do you have two lives? Do you?”
Even under Banessa’s scolding, Enoch couldn’t respond properly due to the fever. It seemed he didn’t even realize I was in the same space.
I was on edge with anxiety. Every time I found myself in a situation where I might lose one of my people, I always felt this way.
“First, we need to bring down the fever.”
I paused as I said that. Enoch’s eyelids fluttered as if he had heard my voice.
I quickly muted my footsteps and stepped outside the tent. I didn’t want to see him apologizing to me while in pain.
As soon as I exited the tent, I spoke to Yulken, who had followed me out.
“Yulken, bringing down the fever is the most important thing. If we can just manage that, he’ll be able to hold on for a while.”
“Still, he needs to see a doctor.”
“It won’t be of much use to see a doctor around here. With the combination of the Dark Wolf’s poison and the antidote’s side effects, an ordinary doctor won’t be able to treat him.”
“What should we do then?”
Anxiety spread across Yulken’s face.
“For now, we have to trust the antidote. Don’t worry too much. Enoch will surely hold on.”
Yulken, who had been anxious, began to calm down a bit at my composed demeanor.
“You’re right, Your Majesty. Enoch, while looking a bit weak on the outside, has the tenacity of my sister. I heard from Julia that he survived several deadly illnesses when he was younger. He’s more resilient than a steel string, so he’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, he will be.”
“For now, we need to quickly choose a useful fever reducer. Once we bring down his fever, I’ll kick him in the backside.”
Yulken regained his spirit and rushed toward the wagon with the medicinal supplies.
Other knights drew strength from seeing Yulken like that.
I, too, began to stack their anxieties within me, just as I always did. I felt the unresolved unease pressing down on me but ignored it.
I swallowed all my emotions alone and chewed on my thin hope.
Enoch would be fine. Nothing would happen to him. I would be able to protect my people.
I believed that.
But it was not to be.
* * *
Less than a week after arriving in the Holy Empire, Enoch died.
Knights are accustomed to loss.
Wielding a sword means constantly teetering on the brink of death.
Yet, there are deaths that are hard to accept at times.
Enoch’s death was one of those. He could have been saved.
I stared blankly at Enoch’s pale face.
He was only seventeen this year.
Seventeen—at that age, I was a complete mess. Even though I had been on the throne for a year, I was still a coward fumbling my way through.
Enoch was braver than I could ever compare. That was why I had allowed him to accompany the envoy. I wanted to watch over Enoch’s bright seventeen from the side.
“Ugh! Damn that goddess! Does she just let demons kill innocent people? Are they crazy enough to choose a lunatic as a saint? Does that even make sense? Does it?!”
“Banessa, calm down. His Majesty is watching too.”
“I’ll kill them all!”
Holding onto Enoch’s corpse, Banessa burst into tears, throwing aside his crutch as he wailed.
Other knights tried to console Banessa, holding back their own tears.
“Your Majesty. Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”
Yulken said, his eyes red.
I didn’t say anything.
I felt like my insides were being ripped apart with self-loathing, but I didn’t show it.
Because I was a king.
I shouldn’t show any weakness.
So, I was the only one in this room who didn’t shed any tears.
With slightly trembling hands, I simply closed Enoch’s eyes.
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